When Friends Become Lovers
by britgirl2003
Summary: A Marsan story. The repercussions of Mark's attack. Chapter 10 added.
1. The First Date

Another Marsan story from me.  I'm going to finish A Different Story but I've lost my motivation since it's a bit long-winded.  This one gets straight to the point!! 

**Disclaimer:**I don't own ER or any of its characters, etc.

**Summary: **This is set after episode 2 of season 3, _Let the Games Begin_, when Mark and Susan bumped into each other whilst out on separate blind dates.  There have been lots of lingering looks and we, the audience, all know that they belong together, even if they don't!!****

The First Date 

Mark and Susan were laughing as they climbed out of the photo booth.

"I think my back's seized up," Mark said, rubbing his back.

"Want me to take you home, old man?" Susan laughed.

"No. I mean, unless you want to go?" Mark said.

"No," Susan said smiling.

They started to walk through the fair ground.  Neither one of them spoke, both feeling shy all of a sudden.

"So, want me to win you a stuffed teddy?" Mark asked, breaking the silence.

Susan laughed. "Sure."

They spent the evening playing on the fair ground games, Mark failing to win a prize on all of them.  It was a matter of male pride that made him keep trying.  Susan watched on in amusement, attempting every now and again to persuade him that he could give up.  It took Mark several attempts to finally win Susan a giant stuffed frog.  Susan laughed at the sight of it.  

They walked through the fair, until Mark spotted a tall ferris wheel.  He grabbed Susan's arm and pulled her towards the entrance.

"Oh no," Susan said, trying to pull her arm back.

"Come on, you're not scared are you?" Mark jibed.

"Yes," Susan answered matter-of-factly.  It was no secret that she had a fear of flying, and while a ferris wheel wasn't anything like an aeroplane or helicopter, she was still going to be a couple of hundred feet in the air.

"It'll be fun," Mark promised.  Susan looked sceptical but followed him into one of the carriages.  It was small and they were squashed closely together.

The ferris wheel began to spin and they were lifted up into the air.  Susan took a deep breath, but as they were lifted higher and higher she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Wow, Susan, you should look at this view," Mark said.  "Susan? Susan, what are you doing?"

"I'm hyperventilating, leave me alone," Susan said.

Mark laughed and reached out to hold her hand.  Susan looked at him and smiled, comforted.

"So where did this fear of flying come from anyway?" Mark asked.

"When I was little, my dad took us to an air show.  They did this huge parade of all the planes at the end and one of them started spiralling down towards us, like it was going to crash.  Turned out it was all part of the show, but it petrified me."

"What are you going to do when you have to do your helicopter ride along?  It's a requirement of the residency you know," Mark said.

Susan looked unimpressed.  "Self-medication is my only hope," she said.

They sat in a comfortable silence as their carriage reached the very top, Susan keeping a tight grip of Mark's hand.  Slowly, they began to come back down.

"See, that wasn't so bad was it?" Mark said.

"Want to go again?" the ride supervisor asked them.

"Sure," Mark said, handing him another token.

"Hey," Susan tried to protest but it was too late and they began their ascent again.

"That's not fair," Susan said, trying to sound grumpy.  She couldn't hide her smile though when Mark tried to look innocent.  Despite feeling nervous, she was having a good time and enjoying Mark's company.  The ferris wheel was taking them higher, only this time Susan kept her eyes open.  The view was amazing and she felt a tingle go down her spine at the beauty of the city.  She was also very aware of how close her body was to Mark's.

All of a sudden there was a loud clunk and the wheel stopped turning, causing the carriages to swing.

"What was that?" Susan asked, the fear creeping back in.

Mark looked down over the edge.  Susan tightened her grip of his hand again, somehow believing that if he fell off she would be able to hold onto him.  A voice yelled up from below.

"Um, ladies and gentlemen, we appear to be having some technical difficulties.  Please don't worry, we'll have it fixed soon."

Susan rolled her eyes.  "Great."

"Are you ok?" Mark asked.

Susan sighed.  "Yeah," she answered unconvincingly.  She started to fidget in her seat.

"Hey, it's ok," Mark said gently.

Below them a young girl, aged about 7, started to cry.  They listened as the girl's mother attempted to soothe her.

"You know I'm never going to forgive you for this, don't you?" Susan said.

"How come it's my fault?" Mark asked indignantly, but with a smile.

"I've got to blame someone.  And since there's no-one else up here except you…"

"Oh, that's really nice.  I saved you from what you described as the most boring date of your life, I buy you dinner, I win you a stuffed animal and that's all the thanks I get," Mark said, pretending to be hurt.

"A hot dog and a stuffed frog does not make the best date," Susan joked.

"Oh, so this is a date now?" Mark asked, bemused.

"Not a very good one," Susan laughed.

"What do you mean?  The stars are out, the band is playing.  It's very romantic," Mark argued.

Susan smiled.  "Yeah, I guess it is," she said.

Mark looked across at her, watching her as she stared out across the city.  They had been friends for a long time now and no matter what people had thought, they had always maintained a platonic friendship.  But his feelings were different now.  He had fallen in love with her.

Susan turned round and caught him watching her.

"What?"

Mark impulsively leant across and kissed her.  Susan was taken aback.  She didn't respond, but she didn't pull away either.  When their lips broke apart, they looked at each other, both at a loss for words.  Mark was confused, unable to read what Susan was thinking.  He was about to stumble over an apology when Susan leant in again and kissed him.  It was light and awkward, gradually becoming deeper and more sensual.  Susan was surprised by her feelings; surprised that she wanted this so badly.

The wheel started to turn again, interrupting them.

"Wow," Susan whispered.

"Yeah," Mark said.

They sat in silence as the ferris wheel slowly turned, stopping to drop of the passengers of each carriage.  When they finally reached the bottom they clambered out, both feeling awkward.  They both smiled embarrassed smiles at each other.

"Shall we…" Mark started.

"…talk?" Susan finished.  She nodded and they made their way out of the fair in silence.  They walked down the road and found a quiet little bar.  Mark bought them drinks and they sat down on a sofa seat.

"So, who goes first?" Susan said.

"I think you know how I feel about you," Mark said softly.  "But I don't about you.  Tell me what you're thinking."

"We're friends, Mark.  I don't want to lose that," Susan said.

"Me neither.  But it's not enough any more, not for me," Mark answered.  "But maybe it is for you."

Susan shook her head disagreeing.

"When I lost Little Susie, it broke my heart.  I ached for her every second of every minute I was awake, and sometimes even when I was asleep.  And those nights when you would come over and we would have dinner or just watch TV, it helped.  You made it easier somehow, just being there.  And then you stopped coming over, because I was doing better, and the aching came back.  Only this time, I was aching for you."

Mark had been nursing his drink and looked up at this, slightly surprised.  Susan smiled at him and raised her eyebrows questioningly, waiting for him to say something.  Mark sat staring at her and Susan, holding back a laugh, leant across and kissed him.  Mark kissed her back and they wrapped each other up in their arms like a pair of teenagers.  They only broke apart when they heard someone coughing.  They looked up to find their 'dates' looking down at them.

"Uh, hi," Mark said.

"Hi," his date, Julie, said.

Susan smiled up at her date, Brent, who smiled back.  She noticed that he had his arm wrapped around Julie's shoulders.

"We were worried, in case there was some bad feelings," Julie continued.  "Looks like we needn't have bothered!"

"One to tell the grandchildren, eh?" Brent joked.

Mark and Susan looked at each other, biting their lips to keep them from laughing.

"Definitely," Mark said, trying to keep a straight face.

"Well, there are no bad feelings on our part," Susan said.

"Good.  Well, enjoy your evening," Julie said.

"You too," Mark said.

As Brent and Julie walked away, Mark and Susan collapsed into laughter.  Mark looked at his watch.

"I have to work in the morning," he said, apologetically.

Susan nodded.  "Let's go."

They walked slowly hand in hand back to Susan's.  Mark stood at her door as she dug through her bag to find her key and opened the door.

"Thanks for walking me home," Susan said.

"No problem," Mark said.

He bent down and kissed her.  Susan felt a tingle go down her back again.  She wanted him to stay, but she knew it wasn't going to happen that night.  They both needed some time to adjust to their new relationship.

"Good night, Mark."

"Good night, Susan."

Susan walked into her apartment, but before she closed the door she turned to Mark and smiled.

"Maybe this date wasn't so bad after all," she said, with a twinkle in her eyes.  "For the first."


	2. Dinner and Flowers

Thanks to EBStarr, Audra Levin, George-Julianna-fan1, Dr-Mara-Weaver, abigailc and Melissa Larkin for your reviews, they were all very much appreciated!! Dinner and Flowers 

Susan woke up the next morning with butterflies in her stomach, smiling as she remembered her impromptu first date with Mark the night before.  She stretched her body then swung her legs out of bed, forcing herself to stop daydreaming and get up.  As she climbed out of bed she stumbled over the stuffed frog that Mark had won her at the fair and she laughed at the memory of Mark trying to shoot rubber darts from a toy cross bow, cursing every time he missed and cheering when he finally hit the target.  She hummed as she got ready for work and laughed at herself for being so soppy.  

However, by the time she arrived at work, Susan had got an attack of nerves.  _What if Mark had changed his mind?_  She tried to tell herself that she was being silly, but the question wouldn't leave her mind.  As she walked into the hospital, she saw the back of Mark's head down the corridor pushing a gurney into one of the trauma rooms.  She bit her bottom lip nervously, anxious to speak to him.  Knowing there was nothing she could do for now, she went into the lounge to her locker. Carol came in after her.

"Must have been some date last night," Carol said.

Susan turned round and saw Carol carrying a bunch of red roses.

"Wow, who are they from?" Susan asked.

"You tell me," Carol said, handing her the roses.

Susan looked surprised.  "They're for me?"

She picked up the card that was sat on top of the flowers.

_May the second date be as good as the first.  Dinner tonight?_

"So, are you going to tell me or do I have to guess?" Carol asked, studying Susan's face, which had broken out into a huge smile.

"Guess what?" Susan said secretively.

"Who this mystery guy is," Carol answered impatiently.

Susan laughed and went across to the sink to put the flowers in water.

"Let's just say that last night's blind date was a lot better than Tad!"

Doug came into the lounge and whistled when he saw the huge bouquet of flowers.

"Nice flowers, you shouldn't have," he said with a cocky smile.

Susan rolled her eyes.  "That's ok, I didn't."

"They're from her blind date last night," Carol explained.  "It went very well!"

"Not you too.  Mark hasn't stopped grinning since he got back from his last night," Doug said, settling himself on the couch. 

"Really?" Susan asked, trying not to sound too interested but aching to know what Mark had said to him.

"Is that why he's been so happy all morning?" Carol asked.

"Yep.  It's disgusting," Doug laughed. "Apparently it was _'the best date of his life'_."

Susan bit her bottom lip to stop herself from smiling too much and kept her back to Carol and Doug so that they couldn't see her reaction.  Fortunately, Malik interrupted them. 

"There's a guy in curtain two complaining of chest pain and we've got a drunk out here with a deep arm lac," Malik said, holding out the charts in his hand.

"I'll take them," Susan said quickly.

Doug and Carol watched her leave.  Carol sighed.

"I had such high hopes for those two," she said.

"Who?  Susan and Malik?" Doug joked. 

Carol tilted her head and looked at him, bemused.

"Susan and Mark.  They seemed so perfect for each other," Carol said.

"Maybe I should try one of these blind date things," Doug said.

"Doug, you've slept with most of the women in Chicago.  There's no-one left in the entire state who doesn't know you at least by reputation," Carol laughed, trying not to sound as jealous as she felt.

"Well, I guess I should start at the beginning again," Doug said pointedly.  He wanted to tell her that she was perfect for him, and that he could be perfect for her if she gave him a second chance, but he believed it was too late to make amends for the hurt he had caused her in the past.

A wave of confusion and then embarrassment washed over Carol's face as she understood what he was saying and she quickly made her exit.  When it came to Doug, she had never been able to let go of the feelings she had for him, no matter how hard she tried, but she had learnt how to keep them at bay.

Meanwhile, Mark had been kept busy all morning.  Trauma after trauma kept rolling in and triage was overflowing.  However it didn't deter his good mood.  Doug was constantly pestering him for details on his date, although Mark was keeping quiet.  Secretly, he was worried that Susan might have changed her mind.  Too scared to call her, he had taken the safer option of sending her flowers inviting her to dinner.  He had seen the flowers arrive before being pulled into yet another trauma, but so far there was no sign of Susan.  

The trauma kept him busy for an hour.  When he finally transferred the patient to surgery, he made his way across to the admit desk where a group of nurses were gathered.

"They must have cost a fortune," Chuni was saying.

"I'd say they were worth every penny judging by the smile she's had on her face all morning," Haleh said.

"He's one lucky guy, whoever he is," Malik said.

"Who's lucky?" Mark asked.

"Susan's date last night," Chuni answered.  "He sent her a huge bunch of roses this morning."

"Do you think she's keen on him?" Mark asked, trying to sound casual.

"Oh yeah," Haleh said, nodding her head.

"Why, are you jealous?" Chuni asked.

Mark turned away as he smirked and he saw Susan alone in one of the rooms with a patient.  Leaving the nurses to continue gossiping, Mark walked across to the room and went in, closing the door behind him.  Susan was sat on one side of the bed writing on a chart.  She looked up and smiled.

"Hello," she said.

"Hello," Mark said, standing on the other side of the bed.

"Thank you for the flowers," Susan said.  "They're gorgeous."

"Gorgeous flowers for a gorgeous woman," Mark said.

Susan rolled her eyes and groaned.

"Too cheesy?" Mark asked.

Susan laughed and nodded.  "Yeah."

"So, how does dinner sound?"

"I'm working until nine," Susan said, frowning.

"Come over when you're finished.  I'll cook," Mark said.

"Ooh, a doctor and a cook, I didn't know you were so multi-talented," Susan laughed.

"I have many talents you don't know about yet," Mark flirted.  "So is that a yes?"

"What about Doug?"

"He's working a double shift."

Susan smiled.  "Dinner sounds good."

They both moved their heads closer to each other across the bed until their noses were touching.  As their lips were about meet the machines next to them started to go crazy.  Susan dropped her head.

"This patient is crashing," Mark said.

"Uh huh," Susan said.

They let their doctor instincts take over as they started to resuscitate the patient.  After this patient there were many more, and Mark and Susan barely saw each other.  Every time they tried to steal a moment together something interrupted them.  The day passed quickly.  On his way out, Mark found Susan in the lounge.

"Hey stranger," Susan greeted him.

"What a day," Mark sighed.  "Are we still on for dinner?"

Susan nodded as Carter walked in.

"Dr Lewis, there's a GSW coming in, multiple gun shots," he said, holding out a pair of surgical gloves.

Susan followed Carter out of the lounge, and as she left she turned and blew Mark a kiss, her eyes twinkling.

A few hours later, Susan practically ran out of the ER desperate to get away before Kerry could persuade her to stay later to clear the back log of patients that had built up during the day.  She made her way to Mark's apartment.  She rang the bell and waited nervously, cursing her hair for not doing what she wanted it to.  Mark answered and Susan laughed.  He was wearing an apron and there were smears of tomato sauce all over his face. 

"Did you have a fight with the blender?"  Susan asked.

Mark put his hand up to his face and was embarrassed when he realised he was covered in food.  He lifted his apron to clean his face.  Susan walked past him into the apartment.  As she did, he grabbed her arm and spun her around, pulling her into his body and kissing her.

"I've been wanting to do that all day," Mark said afterwards.

"Well, if you behave, maybe I'll let you do it again," Susan said, smiling seductively before pulling away from him.  She held out a paper bag that was in her hand.  "I brought a bottle of wine."

Mark smiled and with a disgruntled look went back to his cooking.  Susan sat on one of the stools next to the kitchen unit and proceeded to open the wine.

"So, what's for dinner?  I'm starving," Susan said.

"We've got delicious tender pasta, with juicy beef mince and a beautiful tomato, red wine and basil sauce," Mark said over-enthusiastically, mimicking a television chef.

Susan raised her eyebrows.  "Spaghetti bolognese?  You've been cooking for the past three hours and the best you could come up with was spaghetti bolognese?" she teased.

Mark looked sheepish.  "Yeah, well, my attempt at doing something more sophisticated didn't turn out very well," he said, opening the kitchen bin to reveal a gunky mess.

Susan laughed.  Mark pretended to be offended but couldn't hold back his own laugh.

"I guess my talents in the kitchen are a bit limited," he said.

"I hope that's the only area where your talents are limited," Susan flirted.

Mark wandered over to Susan and leant across to face her.  "Oh, believe me, I have many hidden talents."

Susan giggled as Mark kissed her again until something interrupted them.

"Um, Mark," Susan mumbled.  "I think something's burning."

"Oh, sh…" 

Mark ran over to the cooker as the pan of bolognese sauce started to boil over.  Susan laughed and went back to pouring the wine.  She moved a glass towards Mark and took her own in her hand.

"God, what a day.  I thought it was never going to end," Susan sighed, stretching her back.  "So what were you, Kerry and Morgenstern whispering about all day?"

"Ah, if I told you, I'd have to kill you," Mark joked, without answering the question.  Susan frowned and he relented.  "They're going to announce next week which hospital they're going to close."

"Do you really think they'll close County?  Look how busy we were today, where are all the patients going to go if we close down?" Susan said.

Mark shrugged.  "We're all busy hospitals, it's going to be the same for all of us."

Susan sighed.  "And I'd just decided to take a vacation as well," she moaned.

Mark laughed.

"What?"

"Nothing.  It's just, for a second there I thought you were worried about your residency," Mark said.  "Ok, dinner's ready."

As Mark and Susan ate, they talked and bantered the way they always had.  Being together had always felt so right, and now there was something different between them.  The slightest touch that gave them goosebumps and the flirtatious looks and comments felt so natural, it was easy to fall into being a couple.  There was no awkwardness.

After dinner, Mark and Susan collapsed onto the sofa, curling up together.  Susan rested her head on Mark's shoulder as they settled down to watch a film.  She struggled to keep her eyes open, eventually letting her fatigue take over and she fell asleep.  At the end of the film, Mark lifted his hand to her face and gently stroked her cheek, coaxing her to wake up.  Susan stirred.

"Was my company that boring?" Mark joked.

Susan smiled and, following her instincts, leant up and kissed him long and hard.

"What was that for?" Mark asked.

"I don't know," Susan answered.  "Because I can."

Sitting up and stretching, Susan sighed.  "It's late, I should go," she said, standing up and reaching for her coat.

Mark stood up and reached across to help her, pulling her in for another kiss.

"You could stay," he whispered.

Susan looked up at him, slightly nervous.  "I don't know.  If I stay, that's it.  Everything changes, there's no going back," Susan admitted.

"Everything's already different," Mark said.  "We can never go back to the way it was.  I can never go back to not loving you."

Susan was taken aback at the ease in which he used that word.  Mark started to feel panicked, worrying that he'd gone too far.  Not that it wasn't true, he did love her, but maybe it was too soon.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"No.  Don't be," Susan said.  "I just, I hadn't thought about it like that."

Susan reached up and kissed him again, almost as if she was testing him.  When she pulled away, she was smiling.  Mark understood.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

They brought their lips to meet each other in a passionate kiss.  Susan pulled at her coat, trying to take it off.  Mark reached behind her to help, all the time their lips locked together.  Mark kept his arms around Susan's body and lifted her, allowing her to wrap her legs around his waist.

He carried her into the bedroom and kicked the door shut behind them, and they disappeared.


	3. Secrets

**Thank you to tv-crazy and abigailc for your reviews.**

**I'm glad you guys are enjoying this, I'm enjoying writing it!!**

Secrets 

Mark awoke the next morning and momentarily forgot the previous night's events, until he felt something move next to him.  Susan, who was sleeping peacefully next to him, rolled over and unconsciously draped her arm across Mark's chest.  Mark shifted his body under her weight and she stirred.  Mark leant down and kissed her lightly on the lips.  Susan opened her eyes and smiled.

"Morning," she said groggily.

"Morning."

Susan leant up and kissed him again.  

"Are you working today?" Susan asked, laying her head down on Mark's chest.

"Nope, it's my day off.  I was supposed to be going down to see Rachel, but she's got a school trip," Mark answered, running his fingers through her hair.  "You?" 

"Yeah.  What time is it?" 

Mark looked across at the bedside clock.

"Eight-thirty-three," Mark read.

Susan bolted upright.

"Argh, I'm late.  I've got to be a work at nine," Susan moaned.  She started to move across the bed, but Mark leant across and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her back towards him.  She fell back onto his chest.

"Stay," he pleaded.

"Mark, I've got to go," Susan whined, trying to resist him.

"You can be late," Mark grinned at his suggestion.

"I can't, it'll give Kerry cause to moan at me all day," Susan said.  She felt her willpower weakening as Mark ran his hands up and down her back.  He pulled her in for another deep kiss.

"I can be late," Susan murmured as she relented. 

*

*

*

"I can't believe you made me late!" Susan moaned an hour later as she raced out of the bathroom dressed only in a towel and ran around Mark's apartment trying to get ready.

Mark grinned from the kitchen, where he was regretting not cleaning the dishes from the night before as he scrubbed away at congealed bolognese sauce.

"Do you want some breakfast?" Mark asked.

"No, thanks, I'll grab something at work," Susan called from the bedroom.  Moments later she reappeared fully clothed, her hair dripping wet.

"You shouldn't go out with wet hair," Mark said.

Susan pulled a face at him.  "Well I don't suppose you and Doug have got a spare hairdryer lying around this place," she said.

"Do I look like I have a need for a hairdryer?" Mark asked.  Susan laughed and stroked his bald head.  She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him.

"Can I borrow your toothbrush?" Susan asked.

Mark nodded and Susan disappeared into the bathroom.  As he finished clearing up the dishes he heard the front door and Doug came into the flat.

"Uh, hey Doug," Mark said.

"Morning," Doug said, coming into the kitchen and dropping his keys on the counter. "Good date last night?"

"Yeah, thanks," Mark said, his eyes inadvertently wandering to the bathroom door.  Doug followed his gaze and grinned.

"I bet it was," Doug laughed, and he wandered across the flat.

"Doug…" Mark started.

Doug stood outside the bathroom waiting for Mark's mystery date to appear.  His mouth dropped open when Susan rushed out, almost knocking into him.  She looked over at Mark, who shrugged his shoulders, and then laughed at Doug's surprised expression.

"Hey Doug," she said breezily.

"Uh, Susan, hi," Doug stuttered.

Susan moved past him and, picking up her bag, walked over to the front door.  Mark followed her.

"I'll call you later," Susan said.

Mark nodded and leant down to kiss her.  "Bye."

"Bye.  See you, Doug," Susan called.

Mark shut the door and turned round to see Doug grinning widely at him.

"So, you and Susan, huh?"

Mark tilted his head.  "Don't start."

Doug held up his hands.  "Hey, I'm pleased for you, buddy.  Both of you," he said.  He shook his head.  "Man, I should have guessed, the way both of you were acting at work yesterday."

Mark grinned at him.  "Listen, can you keep this secret for now?  We just want to take it slowly, you know, without everyone making a fuss."

"Sure, no problem," Doug said, nodding.

"Thanks.  Well, I'm going for a run," he said.

Doug watched as Mark left the flat, then picked up the phone and dialled.

"Hey, Randi, is Carol there?  Thanks.  Carol?  You're never going to believe what I've just seen.  Are you sitting down…?"

*

*

*

Half an hour later, Susan arrived at work.  She went into the lounge and opened her locker, dumping her bag and taking out her lab coat.  As she did, Carol came into the lounge.  Susan looked up and smiled at her.

"Morning Carol," Susan said.

"Morning.  Good night last night?" Carol asked casually.

Susan smiled to herself.  "Yeah, really good thanks."

Carol walked over and leant across the locker next to Susan's, facing her.  Susan looked up to find Carol staring at her.

"What?"

Carol grinned.  "So, you and Mark huh?"

"Doug?"

"Yep."

Susan shook her head.  "Can no-one keep a secret around here?"

"Nope," Carol laughed.

"Does everyone know?" Susan asked.

"I haven't told anyone," Carol said.  "But you know what this place is like, you won't be able to keep it a secret for long."

"I know.  I think we just need some time to get used to the idea, before we let the world know," Susan said.

Carol nodded.  "Well, my lips are sealed."

Susan smiled gratefully.  "Thanks."

Carol shook her head disbelievingly.  "God, I'm so glad you two finally got your acts together."

"Me too," Susan said, grinning.

"Hey, it's rude to gloat," Carol laughed.

Susan laughed too, as Lydia stuck her head round the door.

"There's a GSW coming in, ETA now," Lydia said.

"We're on our way," Carol said, pushing Susan out of the door as she continued to smirk.

Meanwhile, Mark spent the day running errands and tidying the apartment.  While he enjoyed some aspects of living with Doug, Mark often felt like his maid rather than his flatmate.  It took him most of the afternoon to clean the flat from top to bottom, as he often did when he had nothing else to do.  As he was adjusting the pillows on the sofa, he heard a jangling noise.  He lifted one of the cushions and saw Susan's keys.  He checked the time and realised that she would be finishing work in a few hours.  He thought about heading to the hospital, but decided to be spontaneous and go to her flat to wait for her to get home.  

Mark made his way to Susan's apartment.  When he arrived, he unlocked the door and went inside, leaving the door open so that Susan would be able to get in.  He was immediately hit with the scent of perfume…Susan's perfume.  He inhaled deeply and the smell brought back memories of the night before, when Susan had fallen asleep in his arms, his skin touching hers and their fingers entwined.

Mark wandered around the apartment.  There was a mountain of dirty clothes in the basket where Susan hadn't had time to do her laundry for nearly a week.  There were photographs scattered around, mostly of Little Susie at various stages of her first year of life.  Mark recognised some of them – a photo he had taken on the swings the night Susan had decided not to put Susie up for adoption, where their last minute celebration had consisted of ice-lollies from the local store.  There was also a photo of Susie wrapped up as Susan pulled her around the ice rink, another of Mark's, taken the day he had persuaded Susan to go ice-skating with him and Rachel.  Lying next to the frames were the photos that he and Susan had had taken two nights ago at the fairground.  Mark smiled, realising he had played a part in Susan's life for longer than just the past two days. 

He walked into the kitchen.  A half drunk mug of coffee stood on the counter, stained where drips had fallen down the side and onto the surface.  He wandered through to the bedroom.  The bed had not been made; the sheets were tangled and hanging out of the side of the bed.  An old t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants lay crumpled at the end of the bed.  Mark picked up the giant frog that lay on the floor and tucked it under his arm, grinning as he remembered how he had won it at the fair, a momentary wave of pride washing over him again.

Mark looked at the clock.  It read 9.14pm.  Susan would be on her way home.  He went back through to the kitchen and went to boil the kettle.  As he did, the telephone rang.  He contemplated answering, but decided to let the answer phone pick up a message instead.  Susan's voice filled the quiet apartment as she asked the caller to leave their name and number, followed by a beep.

_"Hello, this is Katie West from __Phoenix__Memorial__Hospital__ returning your call.  We're currently interviewing for a Chief Resident position in the ER and we'd love it if you could come for an interview next week.  Please call the office to arrange a date and time that would be suitable for you."_

Mark stood in shock as he listened to the message.  _Susan was thinking of leaving?_  She hadn't said anything about going to Phoenix.  The kettle started to whistle as the water boiled, interrupting Mark from his thoughts.  He wandered over to the sofa and sat down, his mind in a state of confusion.

At the same time, Susan was slowly making her way up the stairs to her apartment, distracted as she dug around in her bag hunting for her keys.  She reached her door and crouched down, ready to empty the contents of her bag onto the floor, when she noticed that the door was slightly open.  She stood back up and cautiously opened the door, preparing herself for the worst.  As her apartment came into view, she looked around at the mess and breathed a sigh of relief as she realised it was _her_ mess.  As her eyes wandered across the room she noticed Mark sat on the sofa.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" she said, walking in and dropping her bag.  "And how did you get in?"

She leant over the back of the sofa and planted a kiss on Mark's cheek, unaware that anything was wrong.  

"You left your keys at my apartment," Mark answered.  Susan failed to notice the funny sound in his voice.  She took off her coat and hung it on the back of a chair.  Noticing a flashing red light on her answering machine, she pressed the big green button to listen to her messages.

_"Hey Suse, it's Chloe.  Just calling to say hi, we haven't heard from you for a few days.  Um, Little Susie's doing great.  Call me."_

Susan wandered around her apartment as she listened.  She laughed when she saw the frog sat on the kitchen counter, waiting for her.  The kettle was hot and two empty mugs sat next to it.

"Mark, do you want some coffee?  Mark?"

Susan went back into the lounge, wondering why Mark wasn't answering, and as she did the second message on her answer phone began to play.

_"Hello, this is Katie West from __Phoenix__Memorial__Hospital__ returning your call.  We're currently interviewing for a Chief Resident position in the ER and we'd love it if you could come for an interview next week.  Please call the office to arrange a date and time that would be suitable for you."_

Susan froze as she heard the message.  She looked at Mark and saw his back tense as the message played, suddenly realising why he was so quiet.

"Mark?"

He didn't move; he simply sat staring straight ahead of him.  Susan walked over to him and sat on the coffee table in front of him, placing her hands on his knees.

"Mark…" she started.

He flinched at her touch, moving his legs from under her hands.

"You're thinking of leaving?" he asked.

"No.  I mean, I was," Susan stuttered.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"There wasn't anything to say.  It was just an idea…"

"You've got a job interview.  That's more than an idea," Mark interrupted bitterly.

"I called them weeks ago," Susan attempted to argue.  Mark looked away, frustrated by her excuses.  Susan sighed.  "I was thinking about it.  I was missing Susie so much and I just wanted to be closer to her.  So I called them to find out how to go about transferring my residency.  I hadn't made any decisions.  I didn't even know if it was possible."

Mark kept his stare directed at the floor as Susan tried to explain.

"I just felt so alone," Susan said.

That got his attention.

"You had me," Mark exclaimed.  He got up from the sofa and started to pace up and down the apartment.

"I don't get why you're so upset," Susan said, confused by his over-reaction.  "There was nothing going on between us then."

"And now?" Mark asked, standing still and looking across at her.

"And now it's not even an option," Susan said.  "Why would I leave?  Why would I _want_ to leave?"

"For something else.  For something more," Mark said.  "Jen left.  I mean, look at me.  I'm 33 years old and I'm living in a bachelor pad with a guy who brings home a different woman every night while I watch re-runs of sixties cop shows.  I spend too much time at work.  I have no life.  My wife left me for some corporate creep and took my daughter hundreds of miles away.  Why would you stay?"

"Because I love you.  Mark, I don't understand all this.  And what has your _ex-wife_ got to do with this?" Susan asked incredulously.

"Because I wasn't enough for her!" Mark yelled.  "So why would I be enough for you?"

Mark picked up his jacket and moved towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Susan said, grabbing his arm.  "Don't just walk out like this."

Mark shrugged her off.  "I need some space."

"Mark, please," Susan begged, tears starting to form in her eyes.  "Don't go."

Mark ignored her and opened the door.

"I love you," Susan called desperately after him.  She stood in the middle of her apartment and watched the door slowly close itself before bursting into tears.

*

*

*

An hour later, Susan was curled up on the sofa when she heard a knock on the door.  She uncurled herself and went to the door.  She looked through the spy hole and saw Mark stood, looking sheepish, his hands behind his back.  She sighed, hoping he wasn't back for round two, and opened the door.  She stood and looked at him, not bothering to greet him or invite him in.  Mark could see that her eyes were red from crying.

"I'm an idiot," Mark stated.

"Yes, you are," Susan agreed.

"I just…I'm scared of losing you," Mark said.

Susan softened slightly.  "I'm not going anywhere."

"Really?"

"Really," Susan insisted with a sigh, wondering how many times they had to have this conversation.

Mark noticed her frustration.  "I'm an idiot," he repeated.  "I'm sorry."

Susan stood considering whether to forgive him so easily when he brought out a paper bag from behind his back.

"I didn't have time to wrap it."

Susan looked from the bag to Mark and back again.  "This had better be good."

She opened the bag, pulled out the box that was inside and smiled.

"A hairdryer?" she questioned.

"You shouldn't go outside with wet hair," Mark said.

Susan smiled, pulled the door open and stood back, letting Mark come inside.

"You still owe me a cup of coffee." 


	4. Fear of Flying

Thanks again to abigailc, Susan17, EBStarr and tv-crazy for your reviews, I'm really grateful to all of you for taking the time to read and review this story.  And I'm really pleased you guys like the story.  I know it's been ages since I updated, I've been really busy – I hope it was worth the wait!

Fear of Flying 

"Susan."

Mark leant over the bed where Susan was sleeping peacefully, her mouth open and a trickle of drool falling onto the pillow.  She didn't stir.

"Susan."

He waved the cup of coffee he held in his hand under her nose.

"Susan, it's time to get up."

"Hmmph."

Mark laughed.  Susan wasn't a morning person.

"We've got to get to work."

"Five more minutes," she mumbled, rolling over in bed and pulling the covers over her head, trying to hide.

"You said that ten minutes ago," Mark said, sitting down next to her and placing the coffee on the bedside cabinet.  He heard her groan from under the sheets as he tried to pull them away from her.

"Mark!" Susan complained.

"Susan!" Mark mimicked her.

This had become their morning ritual.  They barely spent a night apart except when they were at work.  So far they had managed to keep their relationship secret…or so they thought!…despite almost being caught out several times by some unsuspecting nurses! 

Mark eventually dragged Susan out of bed and after they had shared a shower, they made their way to work, Susan by car and Mark on the El train, in an effort to keep up their charade.  The ER was busy – the summer brought with it sun burn, heat stroke and barbeque smoke inhalation suffered by over-enthusiastic chefs.

"God, I hate the summer," Susan moaned later to Mark over lunch.  They had met at a café several blocks away from the hospital, over looking the river.

Mark laughed.  "You say that about every season."

"Well, at least I'm consistent," Susan replied as she wiped the sweat from her soaked forehead.  "So, today's the big day, huh?"

Susan was referring to the impending announcement as to which hospital was to be closed.  There had been rumours flying around the hospital for weeks and everyone was worried they were about to lose their jobs.

"Yep.  Our fate is soon to be decided," Mark said philosophically.

"So, wanna go out and celebrate tonight?" Susan asked.

"They might decide to close us down," Mark said.

"And the bad news is…?" Susan joked.

Mark shook his head at Susan's usual humorous response to anything about work.

"You know, you should take this more seriously.  It could affect your career," Mark said.

Susan shrugged.  "So, I'd get a job at another hospital."

"And how long would it take you to work your way up to being Chief Resident?  You've got a good chance at being offered the position again next year."

"Who said anything about being Chief Resident?" Susan said, frowning.

"Don't you want to be one day?" Mark asked. 

Susan shrugged.  "I don't know.  It wasn't what I wanted last year, and I'm not sure it'll be what I want next year."

Mark sat back in his seat, silently.

"What?"

"Nothing," Mark said.  "It's just, don't you want something – I don't know – more?"

"More than what?  Mark, every day I go to work and I help people.  A cancer patient; a new mother; a scared child.  And I love it; I love my job, but that's all it is.  Once upon a time, I thought it was everything; and then Susie came along and she changed everything.  She changed me.  So yeah, I do want more.  One day, I want to be a wife and a mother.  And I want to be good at it."

Mark leant across the table and took her hands in his own.

"You will be good at it," he said.

Susan smiled.  "You're not disappointed?"

"Disappointed?  God, no, I'm not disappointed," Mark answered, lifting his hand to touch her cheek.

"Good.  'Cause I'm hoping that one day you'll help me," Susan said.

Mark leant over the table and kissed her deeply, wishing they were somewhere a lot more private.  They were interrupted by the sound of a pager beeping.

"It's probably Kerry, nagging me that I'm late for the meeting," Mark said, rolling his eyes and digging deep in his pockets.

"Uh, no, it's me," Susan sighed, pulling the beeping object from her bag.

They paid their bill and walked back to the hospital together, hand-in-hand until they knew they were in danger of being spotted.

"Susan," Kerry called from behind the admit desk as soon as they walked back into the hospital.  "There's been an MVA accident, a husband and wife, and I need you to go out on scene."

Susan nodded.

"The helicopter's waiting for you," Kerry continued.

Susan caught her breath.  "The what?"

"Helicopter," Kerry repeated.  "Helicopter 1-6-5.  The accident is in the middle of nowhere and there's no trauma centre nearby.  There's a box of medical supplies in the lounge, you'll need to take it with you."

"Oh no, no, no," Susan panicked.  She felt Mark place his hand on her back in comfort.  It wasn't working.

"Kerry, why don't I go?" Mark suggested.

"No, Mark, we have our meeting this afternoon," Kerry said, distracted by a mountain of paperwork in front of her and not noticing Susan's horrified expression.  "Susan will be fine on her own."

With that, Kerry walked off.

"Oh God," Susan said.  Mark took her hands, noticing that they were shaking.

"You'll be fine," he reassured her.

"Oh God."

"Susan.  _Susan_.  Everything will be ok.  I've done it loads of times before."

Susan looked up at Mark and nodded, determined.  "Right.  It's fine.  I can do this."

"Yes, you can," Mark said.

Susan turned around and started to walk towards the lounge.

"Oh God," she muttered under her breath.  She grabbed the medical supplies and her jacket, and made her way up to the roof.  She felt sick with nerves at the thought of flying.  Mark followed her up the roof, where they were greeted by a flight nurse.

"Dr Lewis?" she asked.  "We're ready."

Susan stopped in her tracks when she saw the helicopter.  The noise was deafening, and she instinctively brought her hands up to her ears to shield them from the roar.

"Susan?" Mark's voice came from behind her.  "Just take a deep breath, ok?"

"Ok," Susan said, before shaking her head.  "My knees won't move!"

They had to yell to be heard over the helicopter.

"Dr Lewis, we've got to go," the flight nurse said.

Susan nodded, trying to muster enough courage to make her legs work.  She turned to face Mark.

"I'll see you later," she said.

Mark nodded.  "You'll be fine," he said again.  He bent down and kissed her.

Susan smiled gratefully and turned around, and with a very deep breath walked over to the helicopter.  Mark stood waiting as she got on the helicopter, and watched as it rose into the air and flew away, standing on the roof until it was a tiny speck in the distance.  The clouds were dark, suggesting that a storm was brewing.  He only moved when his pager began to beep.  Glancing at his watch, he realised that he was late for the all-important meeting.  With one last look across the skyline, he went downstairs to meet Kerry and Morgenstern.

"Mark, where have you been?  We've been waiting," Kerry complained.

"Sorry, I was, uh…"

"Never mind," Kerry interrupted.  "Let's get this over with."

Mark could feel everyone watching them as they made their way to the meeting.  The rumours had clearly been making their way around the hospital.  They squashed themselves into a tiny room filled with representatives from all the local hospitals.  Mark looked around at their worried faces, all hoping that their hospital wouldn't be named.  A buzz of whispers filled the air and Mark realised that he, too, was nervous.

Meanwhile, Susan was trying not to hyperventilate as the helicopter wobbled across the city.  She sat, her back rigid and her shoulders tense, breathing methodically, in and out. 

_'Just concentrate on breathing,'_ she told herself over and over again.

She heard a clunking noise from outside the helicopter and it broke her concentration.

"What was that?" she asked.

The answer from the flight nurse was muffled by the noise of the helicopter.

"What?" Susan said.

"It was just the pilot adjusting the rotor pitch, it's perfectly normal," the flight nurse answered again.

Susan nodded, pretending to understand.  Her mind drifted to thinking about Mark.  He would be in the meeting now where the fate of the hospital was being decided.  Susan wished she was there; in fact, Susan wished she was anywhere but in the helicopter.  Mostly, she wished she was somewhere with Mark.

She heard another clunk and she shut her eyes, trying to block out her surroundings.  She imagined herself with Mark, in his arms, lying on a beach somewhere.  Maui; she'd always wanted to go to Maui.

The helicopter began to shake uncontrollably and the clunking noise got louder and more frequent.  Outside a rumble of thunder sounded.  Susan opened her eyes and saw the fearful expression of the flight nurse sitting in front of her, telling her this was not normal.

"Oh God." 

Back at the meeting, the tension in the room was reaching unbearable when an important looking lady with a clipboard stood up and cleared her throat, asking for silence.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I shall make this quick and as painless as possible.  As of next week, Southside Hospital will close."

Mark joined Kerry and Morgenstern in breathing a sigh of relief.  They listened as more announcements were made – management changes mostly – then Mark made a quick exit.  When he got back to the ER he found himself engulfed in a swarm of ER staff, all of whom were firing questions at him, probing him for information.

"What happened?"

"What did they say?"

"Are they shutting us down?"

"Are we losing our jobs?"

Mark put his hands up to stop them from all questioning him at once.

"Ok, ok, everyone just shut up!  I'm sorry to tell you…that you're not getting out of this place.  We're staying open!"

Everyone around him cheered.  Over at the desk, Jerry turned the radio on, blaring out music and a party broke out in the ER.  Mark laughed to see the entire ER so happy about keeping jobs that they so often complained about.  Lydia grabbed Mark, pulling him into a circle of dancing nurses.  The ER came to a standstill as everyone got lost in enjoying themselves.

"Hey Carol, any news from the chopper?" Mark asked later, when he realised that Susan wasn't back yet.

"Nope, not yet," Carol answered.  "But the weather's pretty bad out there, they might have had problems getting back."

Mark looked through the doors, where it was dark and wet.  He hadn't noticed the change in the weather.  A couple of police officers were coming into the door, one almost slipping on the wet floor.  They came over to the desk.

"Can I help you?" Mark asked.

"We've had a call from fire and rescue about helicopter, uh," the police officer paused to check his notebook, "1-6-5."

_'Susan's chopper,'_ Mark thought.  He noticed how serious the police officers looked and it made him nervous.

"I understand one of your docs was on it?" the police officer continued.

Mark nodded.  The music from the party was filling his ears, irritating him.  "Jerry, turn the radio off."

"But, Dr Green…" Jerry started to argue.

"Now!" Mark snapped.

Surprised, Jerry turned off the music causing the ER staff to moan.

"Susan Lewis, she was on the chopper.  What's happened?" Mark asked.

 "I'm afraid I've got some bad news."  

The moaning stopped and everyone's attention became focused on what he was saying.  

"Chopper 1-6-5 got caught up in the storm and suffered from a broken propeller.  They tried to make an emergency landing, but they got into trouble and crashed."

Mark felt sick.  He didn't want to hear what he knew the police officers were here to tell them.

"I'm sorry, but it's believed that there are no survivors."

****

****

****

**Um…reviews, please??!!**


	5. Lost and Found

**"You call yourself a Marsan?" I hear you all cry.  Oh yes, absolutely.  **

**"If you kill Susan, the story will be over!" you say.  Well, yes, that's a very good point.  But how do you know I'm not twisted and crazy??!!**

**Britgirl laughing from a distance with an evil glint in her eye**

**Once again, thank you so so much for all the reviews – abigailc, Melissa Larkin, NotHereAtTheMoment, saved-by-grace, tv-crazy, lemonjelly and dupton.  You can now go ahead and leave as many anonymous reviews as you like…as long as you keep reviewing!! **

**Mmm, so what happens now?  Read on and find out…**

****

**_Lost and Found_**

Everyone stood in shock.  The shrill ring of the telephone sounded, but nobody moved.

_Susan was dead?_

Mark felt his stomach turning somersaults and he ran to the toilets to be sick.  His head was spinning, the words repeating over and over in his mind – _'caught up in the storm…broken propeller…crashed…no survivors'_.  

_'How could this have happened?'_ Mark questioned.  Only a few hours ago everything had been normal; no, better than normal.  Life had been great.  And now…what?  Nothing?   He sat back, leaning against the toilet door.  His body felt numb.  He tried to get his head around the idea of never seeing Susan again and he felt sick, leaning over the toilet to throw up again.

When there was nothing left in his stomach, Mark stumbled out of the toilet and towards the lounge, conscious that he was being watched.  The ER was still as everyone tried to come to terms with the news.  Mark rushed into the lounge and went to the sink to pour himself a glass of water, his hand shaking as he held the glass.  His mouth was dry and a sickly aftertaste had settled.  He stood leaning against the sink, not sure what to do.  He didn't want to believe it; he couldn't believe it.

Doug and Carol came into the lounge after him.

"Mark?" Carol's voice was croaky and tearful.

Doug walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry."

Mark shrugged him off.  He didn't want their sympathy; he didn't care if they were upset.  He just wanted it all to be a bad dream that he would wake up from.  Only this was real, and Susan was dead.

"Leave me alone," Mark whispered, barely audible.

"What?" Doug asked, taking a step closer to hear what Mark had said.

"I said, leave me alone," Mark said, a little louder.

"You shouldn't be alone right now," Carol said.

Mark noted the irony of this statement.  No, he shouldn't be alone right now, he should be with Susan.

"Mark…" Doug started, reaching out to touch Mark's shoulder again.

Mark moved away.  "I just want to be left alone," he said, frustrated that they weren't listening to him.  They didn't understand.  She had said that she wasn't going anywhere; she had promised that she wouldn't leave.  And now he was faced with the prospect of spending the rest of his life without her and he could feel his heart physically break in two.

"I'm not leaving you on your own," Doug said.

"Just GO AWAY!" Mark yelled.

Doug was so surprised by this outburst that he stumbled backwards, watching as Mark kicked a chair across the room in anger.

"Mark…" Carol tried to calm him down.

"GET OUT!" Mark screamed.  "GET OUT!  GET OUT!"

Doug grabbed Carol and pushed her out of the lounge, pulling the door shut behind them.  Everyone outside had stopped what they were doing and were staring at the lounge.  Behind them, Doug and Carol could hear crashing as Mark proceeded to vent his anger on any breakable object he could find.  Finally, it went quiet.

"Do you think we should go back in there?" Carol said, as she fought back tears.

"No, I think we should do what he asked and just leave him alone," Doug said, pulling her into him to comfort her.

The ER was eerily silent.  Even the patients knew to be well-behaved as everyone stood in mourning.  One by one, some of the doctors and nurses began to go back to work.  People moved slowly and quietly so as not to disturb the calmness that had enveloped the ER.  Doug stayed at the admit desk, trying the review some charts whilst keeping one eye on the door to the lounge.  There had been no noise and no movement since Mark's earlier outburst.  Carol sat next to him in a chair, staring into space.

Doug glanced down at Carol.  "How are you doing?"

Carol looked up at him, a vacant look in her eyes.  She opened her mouth, but couldn't find any words to say, so she simply shook her head.  Doug reached down to touch her arm reassuringly.  

Suddenly the peacefulness of the ER was shattered as a gurney was pushed out of the lift, almost knocking Kerry over as she came downstairs from the meeting.

"We need some help here!"

Doug did a double take and Carol nearly fell off her chair as a familiar body rushed past them.

"Susan!" Carol called, running after her with Doug closely behind.

The ER woke up and a buzz filled the air.  Susan, who was completely oblivious to the reaction she had caused, began to relay details to Doug.

"Twenty-nine year old male, major head and chest traumas.  Possible tension pneumo, his BP's low and he needs a central line.  Let's get an ABG, chest film and CT, and let's give him four of O-neg…what?"

Susan was aware that Doug and Carol were staring strangely at her.  They stopped outside the trauma room as the nurses pushed the patient inside.  Carol reached out and hugged her.

"We thought you were dead," she cried.

Susan looked puzzled.  "Dead?"

"They told us your helicopter had crashed on the way to the accident," Doug said.

Susan shook her head.  "It got a little rough for a while, but we made it ok.  We got delayed coming back and the radio cut out in the storm."

"So you're ok?" Carol asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Susan said, bewildered.

"Uh, guys, when you're done, this patient could do with some help," Haleh said, sticking her head out of the trauma room.

Susan, Doug and Carol started to follow, but Doug held out his arm to stop Susan.

"You'd better go find Mark," he said, before disappearing into the trauma room.

Susan stood outside the trauma room, tired and completely confused.  _They had thought she was dead?_  The idea was crazy, yet everyone proceeded to come up to her and hug her, telling her they were glad she was ok.  Even the patients seemed pleased to see her.  Susan suddenly thought of Mark, remembering Doug's words, and realising that Mark thought she was dead.

Meanwhile, Kerry was cursing at nearly being run over by a gurney as she walked into the lounge.  Her mouth dropped open at what she saw.  Mark was sat at the table, his head in his hands.  There was furniture and broken plates scattered everywhere.

"Mark, what the hell has been going on?" Kerry exclaimed.

Mark looked up at her, his eyes red from crying.

"Mark, what's wrong?" Kerry asked, immediately concerned.

"It's Susan.  She's dead."

Kerry looked confused.  "No she's not."

"Yes, Kerry, she is," Mark said, the tears continuing to fall.  "There was an accident…"

"No, Mark, she's not," Kerry interrupted.  "Not unless she's got an identical twin, because I've just seen her pushing a gurney towards the trauma room."

"What?" Mark looked up at Kerry and saw that she was serious.  He shot up from his chair and out the door towards the trauma room.  His heart leapt as, from a distance, he saw her slim shape outside trauma room one, talking to Carol and Doug.  He rushed round the admit desk, and as he turned the corner he could see her body, alive and well, being pulled in one direction and the next by her friends and colleagues.  She turned around, her expression changing from confusion to relief when she saw Mark.

"Hey," she said softly.

Mark didn't speak, not trusting his voice.  He ran up to her and wrapped her up in his arms.  Susan put his arms around his waist and held on tightly, partly to comfort him and partly to support herself, fearing that her legs were about to buckle underneath her from exhaustion.

"I thought you were dead," Mark whispered into her ear, trying to make her understand.

"I know," Susan said simply.  She pulled back slightly to look at his face and was pained by what she saw.  She cupped his face with her hands.  "I know," she repeated.  She lifted her head and kissed him, wanting him to know that she was here, and alive, and ok.  He buried his head in her shoulder, crying with relief that it had all been a mistake.

They stood in the middle of the hallway, holding on to each other, oblivious to everyone else around them.  Eventually Mark pulled back to look at Susan.

"Are you sure you're ok?" he asked.

"I'm fine, Mark.  I'm not in any hurry to get back on a helicopter, but I'm fine," Susan answered, trying to reassure him.  Mark kissed her forehead.  Only moments earlier he had thought he would never see her again, but now she was in his arms and he never wanted to let her go.

Suddenly, he felt Susan's body go limp in his arms and she collapsed to the floor.

"Susan?" Mark cried.  He lifted her up in his arms and carried her to the closest exam room.

"What happened?" Kerry asked, as she and Lydia raced across to help. 

"She fainted," Mark said, as he checked Susan's pupils.  "Can I get some saline in here."

Kerry backed out of the room, knowing that she wasn't needed here.  Lydia had told her what had happened, and she understood now why the lounge looked like a bomb had fallen there.  She left Mark to deal with Susan and went to yell at Jerry for eating behind the desk again and leaving a trail of crumbs.

Later, when Doug and Carol came out the trauma room, they immediately went to find Susan.  She had come around from her black out and was now sat up in bed, attached to a drip to re-hydrate her.

"Are you ok?" Carol asked, concerned.  "What happened?"

Susan was starting to grow tired of everyone asking her this question.

"I'm fine, I just fainted," she answered irritably.  "It's not like I…"

"Died?" Doug interjected.  Susan understood his point.

"How's the husband?" Susan asked, changing the subject.

"He's gone up to surgery," Doug answered.  "The wife was a DOA."

Mark came into the room.  He placed his hand on Doug's shoulder and smiled at him.  It was his way of apologising for earlier.  Doug nodded and Mark turned his attention back onto Susan.

"How are you feeling?  Do you want anything?"

Susan shook her head.

"Are you sure?"

"Mark, I'm alright," Susan said, wearily.

"Are you hungry?  You should eat."

Susan sighed.  "All I want to do is go home."

Doug could see her frustration at Mark's fussing.

"Hey, Mark, why don't you take Susan home.  I'll cover the end of your shift," he offered.

Mark looked unsure.  

"Thanks Doug, that'd be great," Susan said, smiling gratefully at Doug.  She stood up slowly, taking the drip out of her arm and reaching for her coat.  Mark hovered around her, supporting her body as she stood up.  For once, Susan was grateful for the help.

"At least we don't have to worry about how to tell everyone about us now," Susan said, trying to make the atmosphere a little more light-hearted.

Carol laughed.  "You don't really think they didn't know, do you?"

"Besides, I think everyone probably guessed after Mark trashed the lounge," Doug said.

Susan looked up, amazed.  "You trashed the lounge?" she asked Mark.

Mark looked embarrassed and shrugged.  They said goodbye to Doug and Carol and went outside to the car.  They were both quiet on the journey home.  Susan longed to curl up in bed and sleep, while Mark felt emotionally drained.  When they got to Susan's apartment, Susan went to have a shower while Mark set about making drinks for them.  Susan emerged about twenty minutes later, dressed in an old t-shirt and sweatpants.

 "Do you want anything?" Mark asked.

Susan shook her head.  "No, I'm just going to go straight to bed."

She sat on her bed and watched as Mark fussed around her.  He picked up her dirty towels from the floor, he moved her stuffed frog from the end of her bed, he started to tidy the kitchen.  He wanted to keep busy, scared in case he stopped and he found out that this wasn't real, and that Susan was dead again.

"Mark?"

"What?  Are you ok?" Mark panicked.

_'If I had a dollar for every time someone had asked me that today, I'd be rich,'_ Susan thought.  "Would you come and sit down here for a minute."

Mark came and sat beside Susan on the bed.  She took his hands in hers.

"I need you to stop, ok?" she said softly.  "I need you to stop asking me if I'm ok and I need you to stop fussing around me.  I can't take it any more."

Mark looked upset and Susan felt guilty.  She sighed.  "I'm sorry.  I know you've had a shitty day.  I can't imagine what you've been through.  I mean, I try…I think about how I would feel if it was you, and it's unbearable."

Susan brought her hand up to Mark's face and started to feel choked.  Tears sprang up in Mark's eyes.

"I thought I was never going to see you again," Mark said.  "I don't ever want to feel like that again."

They were both crying now.

"I don't want anything to happen to you.  I want to protect you," Mark continued.

"Oh, Mark.  You can't stop the bad things from happening.  Bad things happen all the time that you can't control.  We see that everyday at work," Susan said.  "We can't wrap ourselves up in cotton wool for the rest of our lives."

"But I don't want to lose you," Mark said.

Susan reached across to hug him.  "I don't want to lose you, either."

They sat holding each other, realising how much they meant to each other.  Mark could feel Susan slowly drifting off to sleep in his arms.  He gently shifted her body and laid her down on the bed, pulling a blanket over her.

"Stay with me," Susan murmured.  She held out her arm, reaching for Mark.  He lay down next to her and wrapped his arms around her. 

"I love you so much," Susan whispered to him, before falling asleep.

Mark closed his eyes, letting her words repeating over and over in his head as he fell asleep.

"I love you too."

****

****

****

**Ok, you were right…like I would really kill Susan!!  Thanks for all your comments, please keep reviewing :)**

**And I'm going to make the next few chapters a bit more cheery!!**


	6. For Better or For Worse

**Woo hoo, I've finally got round to updating my story!! I've been wanting to update for ages, but I've only just had the time to sit down properly and write. And it might take me just as long to write the next chapter, so enjoy this one!!**

**A big thank you for all your reviews for chapter 5, I think it's my favourite chapter so far :D**

**-abigailc: five reviews for five chapters, wow, thanks for being so loyal :)**

**-PinkSparkle02: thanks for reviewing!! I'm happy I've found someone who loves the idea of Marsan as much as me ;)**

**-lemon jelly: I'm glad you've been converted ;) Thank you for your reviews.**

**-Melissa Larkin: you were so right, you can be as smug as you like!! Thank you for your constant reviews :)**

**-tv-crazy: I'm not really mean, honest!! I'll prove it by writing some very fluffy Marsan chapters!! :)**

**-saved-by-grace: I'm always glad to find another Marsan enthusiast!! Thanks for reviewing my story :)**

**-NotHereAtTheMoment: I hope your head is ok now??!! ducking for cover just in case ;)**

**-dupton: you've made my head grow twice its normal size with your reviews…please keep reviewing!! :)**

**I hope this chapter is happy enough for you all!! (Trust me, its very gushy!!)**

**__**

**_For Better or For Worse_**

It was the end of the summer. Autumn was approaching; some of the trees were already starting to change colour. The sun was radiating heat onto the city for as long as it could and everyone was trying to make the most of the last days of sunshine.

Mark was awoken by the sound of the traffic floating through the open window. Outside, the traffic was starting to build up as people made their way to work. Mark listened to them as they rushed around in their lives. He was grateful for moments like these – moments where his life seemed to stand still; moments that he wished would stand still forever.

He looked down at the figure that lay next to him, curled up and spooned against his body. He reached across to sweep a stray piece of hair from her face. Susan stirred slightly, shifting her weight, her leg brushing against Mark's. Her legs were newly shaved and he loved the feel of her smooth skin against his own. Mark had never felt so contented with life. Being with Susan made him feel complete. She touched something inside of him that no-one else ever had. A glimpse of her smile would erase any trace of a frown from his face; the sound of her laughter would relax any tension he felt in his muscles; her touch, her kiss were blissful heaven to him.

Mark traced his finger down her bare arm, reaching her hand, linking his fingers through hers. He lightly kissed her shoulder, inhaling the fruity scent of her hair. He silently willed her to wake up, wanting to talk to her, to kiss her, to make love to her. He resisted the urge to rouse her, knowing that she had only finished work at 1am.

Susan moaned quietly, sensing that something was lulling her out of her sleep. She was not fully awake, her mind stuck half way between sleep and consciousness. She could feel Mark's body pressed up against her back, his arm wrapped around her body and his lips on her shoulder. She moved her head towards him, struggling to open her eyes, and felt him kiss her cheek, her nose and then her lips.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Early," Mark answered.

"Then why did you wake me?" Susan groaned, rolling back onto her side.

"You're beautiful when you're grumpy," Mark whispered in her ear.

"Go away," Susan grumbled.

Mark leant across to kiss her again – her shoulder, her neck, her cheek. His hands began to wander under the bed-sheets.

"You're not going to win me over," Susan said. She tried to remove his hands from her body, but he struggled against her. He was too strong for her. "Mark!"

"You're beautiful when you're mad," Mark laughed.

Susan stopped wriggling. "You really think I'm beautiful?" she asked softly, her eyes dancing seductively. Mark leant in towards her, reaching his hand up to cup her face.

"I really think you're beautiful," he whispered, closing his eyes as their faces grew closer. He leant in, expecting to meet her lips, his heart starting to race with excitement.

All of sudden, Susan slipped off the bed away from him. She was laughing.

"I told you you wouldn't win."

"Hey! That's not fair," Mark complained.

"Ah, you're beautiful when you're grumpy," Susan teased.

Susan turned to walk out of the bedroom door. As she did, she bumped into a young woman, tall and blonde.

"Oh, sorry," Susan apologised.

The woman smiled. "That's ok," she replied, with a thick European accent.

Susan looked the stranger up and down. She was wearing an over-sized white shirt, and by the reflection of the light, it appeared that this was all she was wearing. Susan suddenly felt very self-conscious as she looked down at her own pyjamas made up of a pair of sweat pants and an old t-shirt. Mark came up behind her.

"Hi, Mark," the young woman greeted him.

"Uh, morning, Holda," Mark said, embarrassed as Susan looked up at him, frowning.

"Morning, guys," Doug said as he appeared from his own bedroom.

"Morning, Doug," Mark said.

"Uh, I'm just on my way to work," Doug said. "Holda, you can let yourself out?"

Holda nodded as Doug kissed her on the cheek. He looked sheepishly at Susan, who was smirking at him.

"I'll see you guys at work?" Doug asked on his way out.

"Yeah, see you later," Mark replied.

Mark and Susan stood and watch as Holda wandered around the apartment, filling a glass with water then disappearing back into Doug's bedroom.

"Do they all look like that?" Susan asked Mark, raising her eyebrows.

"What do you think?" Mark asked.

Susan shook her head. "Wow," she said self-consciously.

"Wow, what?" Mark asked.

"Are you blind? Look at her. Haven't you ever been…tempted?"

"Tempted by what?"

"The long legs, the tiny waist…"

Mark slipped his hand around Susan's waist and started to kiss her neck.

"Why would I want anything else when I have you?" he asked her.

Susan smiled. She was not usually the sentimental type, but Mark had a way of making her feel like the most special person in the world. She turned to face him.

"What did I do to deserve you?" she said softly, standing on tiptoes to kiss him, wrapping her arms around his neck. They stumbled backwards into the bedroom, laughing as they fell onto the bed.

**  
  
**

A few hours later, Mark and Susan arrived at County to find everyone gathered around the admit desk where Lydia was struggling with a mass of pearl white material.

"What's going on?" Susan asked.

"It's Lydia's wedding dress," Haleh said.

"What happened?" Mark asked.

"She and Al broke up," Haleh answered.

"Why, what did he do?" Susan asked, rolling her eyes.

"It's what he didn't do," Lydia said bitterly.

"He wouldn't set a date for the wedding," Chuni said.

"Men!" Halah exclaimed, eyeing Mark.

"I can feel some male-bashing coming on," Mark said. "I think I'll go find myself some sick people to heal."

He smiled at Susan, squeezing her hand before he let it go. Susan smiled back, before remembering that she was required to join in with Lydia's rant against men. It was no good though, the constant grin on her face giving away the fact that she was deliriously happy.

"Uh oh, here comes trouble," Chuni commented.

Everyone turned around to see a sheepish Al come into the ER. Lydia scowled and turned away, sending her wedding dress into disarray once more.

"Lydia," Al called, a pathetic look on his face. He followed her into an empty exam room, under the angry glare from the gathered crowd. They stood watching as Lydia and Al argued through glass doors. Lydia's face was stone cold, but they could see her features slowly soften as Al managed to talk her round. Finally, she swung her arms around his neck, embracing him passionately.

"Ew!" Malik grimaced.

Lydia and Al came out of the exam room, hand in hand, their faces glowing.

"We're getting married!" Lydia announced.

"We know that already," Chuni said.

"No, I mean, we're getting married today. That is, if the hospital chaplain will perform the ceremony for us," Lydia said, excitedly.

Everyone gawped at them, surprised.

"Well, there's no point in waiting, is there," Al said.

"I think he's in trauma one, performing last rites," Jerry said.

A buzz of excitement filled the ER. Susan shook her head at the craziness of it all. She left the group and headed into the lounge where she found Doug searching through the refrigerator.

"What's all the excitement about?" Doug asked, looking up to see who was coming through the door.

"Lydia and Al are getting married. Today. At the hospital," Susan told him, an amused expression on her face.

"Really?" Doug asked. Susan nodded.

"I can think of nicer places to get married," Doug commented.

"Yeah, I can tell you're really the sentimental type," Susan joked. She grinned cheekily at him.

They were interrupted by Haleh, who came rushing through the lounge.

"The wedding's set for two o' clock on the roof, make sure you guys are there," she said, before rushing out again.

"If we're all going to be at the wedding, who's going to be looking after the patients?" Doug asked.

"Who cares, I love a good wedding," Susan answered.

Haleh stuck her head back into the lounge.

"By the way, there's a trauma coming in. Double MVA. Mother and child."

Doug rolled his eyes. "No rest for the wicked, eh?"

**  
  
**

At two o' clock that afternoon, everyone was gathered on the roof of the hospital. It was another warm day and there was little breeze.

"We are gathered here, before God, to join together Al and Lydia in holy matrimony…" the priest started.

The ceremony was quick so as not to interrupt too many people from their work. As the vows were exchanged, Susan felt something touch her hand. She looked down to see Mark's hand link with hers. She looked up at him and smiled, leaning towards him slightly. He kissed her forehead. She was glad that their relationship was out in the open now, so that they could flaunt such public displays of affection. Susan had never been in love like this. Her life had changed so much in the past six months and she told herself she was crazy to fall so deeply, so quickly. It scared her. When she had lost Little Susie, she had felt choked with grief and loneliness, and deep down she carried a constant fear of feeling that way again. But she knew she couldn't spend the rest of her life allowing that fear to dictate her actions. She had to move on, she had to learn to love again. And that's what she had done. In Mark she had found the perfect companion. It was safe and solid; it was also passionate and loving. They had been best friends for years, maintaining a platonic friendship when everyone had questioned the depth of their relationship. It had almost surprised her to find herself falling in love with Mark, but she had and now she was consumed by it; this love for just one person, one man, and she couldn't imagine the rest of her life without him.

Lost in her thoughts, Susan was surprised when the priest pronounced the happy couple husband and wife. Everyone cheered.

"Did you see Doug during the ceremony?" Mark asked her on their way back downstairs. "He couldn't take his eyes off Carol. I guess Holda is just a passing fling."

"You do surprise me," Susan answered sarcastically.

Mark laughed. "I wish they would just sort themselves out."

"You wish who would sort themselves out?" Carol asked, coming up behind them.

"Oh, um, the cafeteria. Their food is really going downhill," Mark stuttered, giving Susan a helpless look. She rolled her eyes, but Carol seemed content with the answer.

"Hey, Susan, are you busy later? I'm really stuck with this physics homework they gave me at night school," Carol pleaded.

"Yeah, sure. I always liked physics," Susan answered.

Carol looked incredulously at her. Susan shrugged her shoulders.

"Hey, I was a geek," she laughed. "I finish at eight, I can meet you in Doc Magoo's then?"

"That sounds great, thanks," Carol said. "Hey, look who's here."

They all looked up to see Conni carrying her newly born son into the ER. They walked up to her.

"Hey guys," Conni greeted them.

"Hi, Conni, what are you doing here?" Mark asked.

"My maternity leave finishes in a couple of weeks, I came to sort out some shifts," Conni answered. "Where are you all coming from?"

"Dr Greene, there's a GSW pulling in," Jerry called from the desk.

"I'll leave these two to fill you in. It'll be good to have you back, Conni," Mark said, before heading towards the ambulance bay. He wasn't held up for very long, and once he had sent the patient up for surgery with Benton, Mark wandered into the lounge where he found Susan sat on the floor, playing with Conni's son.

"Hey, where's Mom?" he asked, sitting down on one of the chairs near them.

"Working out a timetable with Carol," Susan answered, barely taking her eyes off the small bundle in her arms. Mark sat watching her with the baby, as she talked and soothed him, rocking him gently to send him to sleep.

"You still miss Little Susie, don't you?" he asked her softly.

Susan nodded. "She felt like mine," she said simply. Mark bent down and kissed her forehead. Susan closed her eyes at his touch. No matter how happy she was – and she was happy – there was still a hole that Little Susie had once occupied. She looked up at him and smiled sadly.

"Chloe's doing really well, you know. And I'm glad." It sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than Mark.

Just then Conni came into the lounge.

"Wow, you must have the magic touch, it usually takes me ages to put him down for his nap," she said, reaching down to take him from Susan's arms and putting him back into his pram. "Well, I'd better get this one home. I'll see you guys next week."

"Bye Conni," Susan called after her. She stayed sitting as she watched them leave, before lifting herself up off the floor. "I'd better get back to work."

She bent down and kissed Mark lightly. Mark watched her, wondering what he could do to help, to make her happier – until an idea came into his head.****


	7. Soulmates

**Once again, thank you to dupton, Melissa Larkin and abigailc for your reviews :)**

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**_Soulmates_**

"Hey, sorry I'm late," Susan greeted Carol as she sat down opposite her in Doc Magoo's. Carol looked up, the mass of curls on her head tousled over to one side, a stressed look on her face. 

"I'm going to fail," Carol moaned, dropping her head and repeatedly banging it on the table.

Susan laughed. "You're not going to fail. You know this stuff."

Susan had been helping Carol with her studies for her pre-med course, and had more faith in her friend than Carol herself did.

"Can I get you anything?" the waitress came up and asked.

"I'll have a coffee, please," Susan said. "Carol?"

A muffled reply came from Carol, whose head was still face down on the table.

"What?"

Carol lifted her head. "Nothing, thanks."

"What time is your exam?" Susan asked.

"In a couple of hours. I've been cramming all morning," Carol answered. "I feel like my head is about to explode. Look, I've even got a pimple."

Carol pointed to a tiny red spot on her face and Susan laughed again.

"It's not funny! I've got a date tonight," Carol said.

Susan was surprised. "A date? Who with?"

Carol looked bashful. "You don't know him."

Susan raised her eyebrows.

"What?" Carol asked, cocking her head to one side, letting out an exasperated sigh.

Susan shrugged and shook her head. "Nothing."

"I can't wait forever for him to grow up," Carol said simply, a hint of regret in her voice. They both knew she was talking about Doug. Susan smiled sympathetically. She knew what Carol really wanted; she knew what Doug really wanted. But she also knew it was best not to get involved. Let them get there on their own – like Mark. Susan had always ignored everyone when they had told her that she and Mark were perfect together, yet they had been right. Susan had faith that Carol and Doug would realise the same in their own time.

"So, how are things between you and Mark?" Carol questioned, taking the attention away from her own troubled love life.

Susan frowned. "He's plotting something, I can tell. He keeps making mysterious phone calls and being all secretive. Either that or he's having an affair."

Carol laughed, averting her eyes to the table.

"Hey, do you know what's going on?" Susan asked.

Carol pretended to look innocent. "Me? I don't know anything," she answered, still laughing.

Susan shook her head and crossed her arms across her chest, pretending to sulk. It was her birthday next month. She hated her birthday, it never went smoothly. She had already guessed that whatever Mark was planning had something to do with her birthday, but he was doing very well at keeping it a secret; and so was everyone else, apparently.

The waitress brought over Susan's coffee and she sat as Carol fired question after question at her until her pager started to bleep.

"Damn it, I'm late," Susan swore, grabbing her coat and bag.

"You're going?" Carol asked.

"I've got to get to work. Look, you'll do great. Call me later, I'm working until midnight," Susan said.

Susan left Carol as she poured over more notes and rushed across to the ambulance bay just as Mark was coming out.

"You're late," was the first thing he said to her, greeting her with a kiss.

"Sorry, I've been helping Carol prepare for her exam later," Susan said. "What are you still doing here, I thought you're shift finished an hour ago?"

"It did," Mark answered, rolling his eyes. "We've got an attempted suicide coming in, want to help?"

Susan stood with Mark as an ambulance pulled up in front of them. The doors opened and a paramedic emerged, pulling the patient out after him.

"This is twenty-eight year old Rebecca. Attempted suicide by swallowing a couple of bottles of Tylenol. Be careful, she's a lively one," the paramedic said.

The young woman on the gurney was struggling and it took all of them to hold her down as they pushed her into the ER.

"Let's get LFTs, a gastric lavage and someone prepare 50grams of charcoal," Susan ordered.

"And someone get some restraints, she's not settling," Mark continued.

"Rebecca? Rebecca, you need to calm down," Susan attempted to soothe the patient in front of her.

"Charcoal's here," Malik said, coming into the trauma room.

The young woman was still refusing to co-operate, pushing everyone away as they tried to pour the charcoal down her throat.

"Rebecca, if you don't settle down we're going to have to do this through your nose, and it's going to be ten times worse," Susan said.

"Let me die," Rebecca pleaded, refusing to relent.

"We can't do that," Mark said. "Ok, let's get a nasogastric tube."

Eventually they managed to treat her with charcoal and she finally settled down, knowing that she had lost her battle.

"Let me know when her LFTs get back," Susan asked Malik as she followed Mark out of the trauma room, pulling off her gloves and throwing them away. They wandered over to the admit desk where Doug was stood carrying out chart reviews.

"Ah, there they are, the Mutt and Jeff of Emergency Medicine," Doug joked as they approached him.

They gave him identical bemused looks.

"Have you seen Carol today?" he asked them.

"I met her for breakfast this morning," Susan answered.

"How's she feeling about her exam?" Doug asked.

"She's nervous as hell," Susan laughed.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Mark asked.

Doug ignored his question. "Do you think we should do something later? Take her out for dinner or something to celebrate?"

Mark nodded in agreement while Susan stood in silence, feeling uncomfortable.

"Susan?" Doug questioned.

"Um, I think she's busy," Susan answered, as dismissively as possible.

"Busy?"

Susan looked sympathetically at Doug. "She's got a date."

"A date?" Mark asked, surprised. "Who with?"

"She wouldn't tell me," Susan said.

"Oh, well, never mind. It was just an idea," Doug said, walking away looking dejected. "See you guys later."

Susan and Mark gave each other knowing looks.

"Are you going home now?" Susan asked him.

"Yep, I've worked fourteen hours, I'm knackered," Mark answered.

"Dr Greene, there's a fax here for you," Jerry said, passing Mark a piece of paper. Mark read it, then folded it up and put it into his back pocket. Susan eyed him suspiciously.

"Anything interesting?" she asked as casually as possible.

"No," Mark said.

"Mark!" Susan whined. This constant secrecy was starting to wind her up.

"It's nothing," Mark said, turning towards her so that his back pocket was away from her.

"Then why won't you show me? You've been acting weird for weeks," Susan said. She reached behind his back, fighting him to try and snatch the piece of paper out of his pocket.

"What are you doing?!" Mark asked, laughing.

"Let me see!" Susan squealed.

"No!"

"Mark?"

Their fighting was interrupted by a familiar voice. They turned around.

"Jenn," Mark said, surprised to see his ex-wife stood in front of him.

"Hi, Mark," Jennifer said. "Susan."

"Hi, Jennifer," Susan said, smiling awkwardly. "I'd better get back to work."

Susan made a quick exit, leaving Mark and Jenn at the desk.

"What are you doing here?" Mark asked.

"I was in town for work, I thought we could grab some coffee," Jenn answered. "When is your break?"

"I actually just finished," Mark said, surprised by the friendly gesture. "We could go now?"

Jenn nodded.

"I'll just grab my coat," Mark said.

Susan was busy making her way through the long list of waiting patients. She spotted the suicide attempt patient from earlier through the doors to one of the exam rooms and paused. The young woman was crying. Susan went in slowly and sat down next to the bed.

"Hi, Rebecca, how are you feeling?" she asked.

Rebecca ignored her, turning her face away from her. Susan continued unperturbed.

"Do you want to tell me why you took all those pills?"

There was still no answer. Susan sighed.

"Rebecca, whatever's happened, it can't be worth taking your life like that," Susan said gently.

"What would you know about it," Rebecca spat at her. "Why couldn't you just let me die?"

"We couldn't let that happen," Susan said. She reached out and placed her hand on Rebecca's arm, but she pulled away.

"Just leave me alone," Rebecca said, rolling onto her side away from Susan.

Susan sighed and got up from her chair to leave the room. Malik was waiting outside for her.

"We've got her doctor's notes. Her husband died six weeks ago from cancer. She's been treated for depression ever since," Malik said, handing Susan the notes.

"Thanks Malik," Susan said. She looked back into the exam room, wondering if she had what it took to help this woman.

In Doc Magoo's, Mark and Jenn were making small talk over coffee.

"So, are you going to tell me why you're really here?" Mark asked.

Jenn smiled at him. He could still read her like a book, despite the divorce.

"Craig asked me to marry him," she said. "And I said yes."

Mark leant back in his chair and looked at his ex-wife sat in front of him. They had spent seven years together and he had never seen her look so happy and so relaxed as she did right now.

"Congratulations," he finally said.

Jenn raised her eyebrows. "That's all you're going to say?"

"What did you expect me to say?" Mark asked, bemused.

"I don't know," Jenn answered, shrugging her shoulders, surprised.

"I'm pleased for you," Mark said.

Jenn studied him. "This new, relaxed personality of yours wouldn't have anything to do with Susan Lewis, would it?" she questioned.

Mark squirmed slightly. Jenn had always been jealous of their friendship and he had always denied it with a clean conscience.

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, Mark. I saw the two of you at the desk. I'm guessing you're more than just good friends these days?" Jenn said.

"I love her," Mark admitted.

Jenn smiled. "I knew it," she said triumphantly.

"Nothing ever happened between us when you and I were married," Mark defended.

"Hey, Mark, it's ok. You look happy," Jenn said.

Mark nodded. "I am."

They smiled at each other, finally reaching an understanding.

"Is your shift sucking as much as mine?" Doug asked Susan, catching up with her down one of the corridors.

"I've had better," Susan said.

"I hear Jenn's in town," Doug said mischievously.

"Don't start me on that," Susan said, glaring at him. Doug laughed.

"Do I spy the green-eyed monster in you?" Doug joked.

"Why should I be jealous? They only slept together last time she dropped by for a visit," Susan ranted, then stopped when she realised what she had said.

Doug raised his eyebrows. "They slept together? When?"

Susan paused, contemplating whether or not she should tell him, but realising she had already told him the worst, she continued.

"Earlier this year, when they were working out the details of their divorce."

"Wow, talk about keeping things amicable," Doug commented.

"You're not helping," Susan said.

"I don't think you've got anything to worry about. Mark's crazy about you, everyone knows that," Doug said reassuringly. "I've never seen him so happy."

Susan smiled gratefully at Doug.

"Hey, Dr Lewis, you're overdose patient is having a second attempt," Malik interrupted them, rushing past.

"What?"

"She's on the roof, looks like she's about to jump," Malik explained over his shoulder as he ran outside.

"Oh my God," Susan exclaimed.

She rushed up to the roof, with Doug following close behind. There was already a handful of people on the roof. Susan spotted Rebecca on the edge.

"Rebecca!" Susan called. The patient turned around.

"Why can't you just leave me alone!" she screamed at Susan.

"You don't have to do this," Susan said gently, slowly edging closer.

"Go away," Rebecca pleaded.

"Be careful, Susan," Doug said under his breath.

"I know about your husband, Rebecca, and I'm sorry," Susan said.

"You didn't even know him," Rebecca spat.

"You're right. You're right, I didn't," Susan said. "But you did, and do you really think he would want you to do this?"

"He'd want us to be together," Rebecca cried.

"Not like this," Susan said, her voice pleading.

"He was my husband. He was my soulmate, my other half. I can't live without him." Tears were streaming down her face.

Susan looked back towards Doug, her eyes begging for help.

"Rebecca? Rebecca, my name's Doug," he said, stepping forward.

"Don't come any closer," Rebecca said, her voice threatening.

"Ok. Ok," Doug said, raising his hands in surrender. "Can I talk to you, please?"

"Talk about what? There's nothing to talk about," Rebecca said, each word pronounced with anger. "You don't know what this is like. You don't know how it feels not to be with the one person who you loved more than anyone or anything else."

"I think maybe I do," Doug said. "There's this woman, who I love more than anything. I think that maybe she's my soulmate. But I can't be with her."

"Why not?" Rebecca asked.

"Because she doesn't want to be with me. I've done things in the past, stupid things, things that have hurt her. I pushed away."

"And you think that's the same?" Rebecca asked scornfully. "This woman, she's still alive, right?"

Doug nodded.

"Then how can it be the same? You still have a chance. My husband is dead," she cried. "And what about you? Are you going to tell me some sob story too?"

She had turned her attention back to Susan. Susan shook her head.

"No, I'm not."

"You're in love, right? I can tell. You have that happy glow about you," Rebecca said, bitterly. "Is he your soulmate?"

"I don't know," Susan answered truthfully. "I know that I love him. I know that I love being with him. I know that I miss him when he's not around."

"I think he is," Rebecca said, tears spilling from her eyes. "Your eyes smile when you talk about him. Mine used to do that. You should hold on to him."

"I will," Susan said. "Please, would you come away from the edge?"

"It's not fair!" Rebecca screamed, slowly becoming oblivious to the people around her.

"Rebecca, please?"

"It's not fair! Why did he have to get sick? Why did he have to die? He was one of the good guys. It's not fair."

"I know it's not fair. Please, will you just come back from the edge and we'll talk, ok?" Susan begged again.

Rebecca shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I need to be with him," she said, lifting her left foot off the platform where she stood.

"Rebecca, no!" Susan screamed, running forward. It was too late as they saw her body fall from the roof. Doug ran after Susan, grabbing her round the waist as she reached the edge. They both closed their eyes as they heard the thud of her body hit the floor.

An hour later, Kerry found Susan in the lounge, having just been interviewed by the police.

"Susan, you look awful," Kerry said. "Why don't you go home and get some rest? You've had an eventful shift."

"No, it's ok, Kerry," Susan said. She didn't like owing Kerry any favours.

"Susan, go home," Kerry ordered, ignoring Susan's defiance. "We can cope."

Susan gave in, grateful for the excuse to finish early. "Ok. Thanks, Kerry," she said, grabbing her coat and bag.

"Have you seen Doug?" Susan asked Jerry on her way out.

"He left about half an hour ago, said he had something he had to do," Jerry answered. "See you tomorrow, Dr Lewis."

"Bye Jerry," Susan said.

She walked outside into the fresh air. There was still a section in front of the ER taped off, and blood stains on the floor where the body had fallen. Susan looked away and carried on walking to her car. She drove aimlessly for half an hour. She felt numb, from her fingers to her toes; numb with guilt that she had failed to help her patient. Working in the ER meant not allowing yourself to become personally involved with your patients. Susan liked that about her job. At the end of most days, she could walk away, but not today. Today was one of those days that haunted her.

Eventually, she ended up at Mark's apartment. She knocked on the door and waited patiently until he opened it.

"Hey," he greeted her, surprised to see her. "I thought you were working until midnight?"

He opened the door and Susan walked in. "They let me out early for good behaviour," she joked softly. "I wasn't sure you'd be here."

Mark immediately felt defensive. "Jenn and I went for coffee, that's all," he started.

"That's not what I meant," Susan interrupted. "I just meant…never mind. I trust you. I just wanted to see you."

Mark noticed how tired and sad she looked as she stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning her body in towards his and resting her head on his chest. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply as he wrapped his arms around her. He held her tightly feeling her breath rhythmically against his chest.

"Is everything ok?" Mark finally asked, breaking the silence.

Susan looked up at him. "You remember that woman we treated this morning, the one who'd taken the overdose?"

Mark nodded.

"Her husband died six weeks ago, that's why she took all the pills," Susan said. "She said he was her soulmate. She said that she couldn't live without him."

"She'll be ok. People lose loved ones and they learn to live again. It just takes time," Mark said, running his fingers through her hair.

Susan shook her head, tears starting to form in her eyes. "She jumped off the roof."

Mark gasped in shock.

"I tried. I tried to talk to her; Doug tried to talk to her. But she jumped. She said she just wanted to be with him," Susan sighed, the tears falling down her face. Mark pulled her in close again, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"I'm sorry," Mark said, not knowing what else to say.

"Do you believe in soulmates?" Susan asked.

"I don't know, I've never really thought about it," Mark answered. "Do you?"

"I don't know," Susan said. She looked up at Mark again. This was hard for her. She wasn't the type of person to wear her heart on her sleeve. "But I think if they do exist, you're mine. Because I love you and I want you in my life, always."

Susan reached her hand up to his neck and pulled his head towards her, kissing him. She was scared by how powerful her feelings were for him; scared because she felt like she couldn't live without him; scared because she never wanted find out. She pulled him towards the bedroom, needing to forget the day's events and wanting to get lost in his touch, his kiss, for as long as possible.

Hours later, when they were wrapped up in bed together, Susan asked the question which had been plaguing her all day.

"So, what did Jennifer want?"

"She and Craig are getting married," Mark answered.

Susan shifted her weight was that she could look at him, surprised at his cool response. "Really?"

Mark nodded.

"Are you ok with that?" Susan asked cautiously.

"You know what? I don't care," Mark answered casually.

"Mark…"

"Really," Mark interrupted. "I don't care. Maybe I would if things were different. But how can I begrudge her happiness when I have you?"

It wasn't a question that needed answering. Susan stared at him, then kissed him gently before resting her head back down on his chest, and she smiled.


	8. Treasure Hunt

**A HUGE thank you to everyone who keeps coming back and reading more of my fic, and also for leaving so many nice reviews – PinkSparkle02, Melissa Larkin, NotHereAtTheMoment, lemonjelly and abigailc.  I'm really pleased you are all still enjoying the story :)**

**ercarterfan**** and Flick – hello and welcome to my little Marsan world!  Thank you for reading and reviewing my story, I'm glad you liked it and I hope you keep reading:)**

**This chapter is quite long, but it's one of my favourites so please stick with it.  I've never been to ****Chicago**** so this chapter took a lot of research (thus why it's taken so long to write!!).  I got all my information from www.chicago.il.org so a big thank you to them.  I hope there are not too many inaccuracies.**

**Enjoy!!  :)**

****

**_(8) Treasure Hunt_**

Beep…beep…beep beep…beep beep beep…beeeeeeeeeep.

Susan groaned, rolled over in bed and hit the top of her alarm clock, hoping it would shut up.  She stretched out, expecting to find Mark's familiar form next to her, but instead she found an empty space.  She frowned.  _Had Mark said he was working this morning?_  She didn't think so.  _Maybe he had woken early?_  She listened, but there was nothing but silence.

"Mark?" she called out.  There was no answer.  Susan climbed out of bed and tripped over the stuffed frog that Mark had won for her on their first date, a permanent fixture in her bedroom now.  She wandered out to the kitchen, rubbing her eyes.

_Maybe he had gone to buy milk?_  No.  There was half a litre in the refrigerator and no note pinned to the door.  The clock on her wall read 8.00am.  _Why was she up so early?_  She didn't have to work, Kerry had scheduled her to have the day off because…because it was her birthday.  Susan shook her head as realisation struck.  It was her birthday and she guessed that Mark's disappearance had something to do with all the secrets and whispering that had gone on for the past few weeks.  Well, tough.  It was her birthday and what she wanted to do right now was sleep.  She went back into the bedroom and dropped back onto the bed.  As she did, she felt something crunch under her head.  Rolling over, she found a small envelope with her name written on the front.  She opened it, curious.

_Susan,_

_Happy Birthday!_

_Forgive me for waking you, but I've planned a busy day for you and you need to start early.  I know you've been going crazy with all the secrecy but it won't be long now before you find out what it's all been about.  I know you don't like surprises, but I hope you like this one.  I want today to be special, to be memorable in the right way, because you deserve it.  Keeping this from you has been so hard, because my first instinct is to tell you everything.  I want to tell you everything.  I hope we have a lifetime together full of long nights where we curl up by the fire and talk until the sun rises. _

_Anyway, I digress._

_You may be wondering where I am, but you won't find the answer here.  Instead I'm going to send you to a place where you'll have the best view of __Chicago__.  But beware, this will take you over 1000 feet in the air – are you brave enough?_

_All my love,_

_Mark._

Susan frowned.  _What?_

She read the letter again.  _The best view of __Chicago__?_  She looked into the envelope again, hoping to find some clue as to what was going on.  Inside she found a small ticket, reading 'The Hancock Observatory'.

Susan read the letter for a third time.  _He wanted her to go to the Hancock Observatory – but why?_  Grabbing the telephone, she quickly dialled a number.

"Hey, Randi?  It's Susan.  Is Mark there?"

"Hey, Dr Lewis, happy birthday!" Randi greeted her.  "Um, Dr Greene isn't working today, isn't he with you?"

"No, he isn't," Susan grumbled.  "Thanks, Randi."

She hung up and dialled another number.

"Hey, Doug, it's Susan," she started.

"Susan, happy birthday," Doug interrupted.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Susan dismissed.  "Where's Mark?"

"He's not with you?" Doug asked, a playful tone in his voice.

"You know damn well he's not," Susan said.  She could hear a female voice call out to Doug in the background – a voice she would normally have recognised if she wasn't so distracted by Mark's mysterious letter – so she quickly said goodbye.

"Maybe you should just do what he says," Doug suggested before he hung up. 

Susan decided that she had no choice but to follow Mark's instructions.  She showered and dressed, pulling her hair back into a loose ponytail.  Grabbing her bag and the envelope, she left her apartment and made her way to the Hancock Observatory.  It was a very tall building, over 90 storeys high.  She stood at the bottom and looked up at the towering building.

_'Damn you, Mark Greene,'_ she cursed.  She hated heights, he knew that.  With a deep breath, she joined a queue of impatient tourists.  They were taken up to the top in groups.  Susan barely heard the tour guide as she concentrated on staying calm. When they got to the top, they reached an open-air skywalk.

_'There had better be a bloody good present at the end of this,'_ Susan muttered to herself.  She looked around her.  On the edge of the skywalk were a number of telescopes that people were looking through.  Slowly, Susan made her way to the edge.

_'Just don't look down,'_ she told herself.

From one side of the building, Susan could see the miles of water that made up Lake Michigan.  On the other side stretched Chicago.    She made her way around the edge, taking in every angle of Chicago.  The view was breathtaking, even Susan could admit that. 

As she walked around, she spotted a small envelope pinned to one of the telescopes.  She looked around to see if anyone else had noticed it, but apparently they hadn't.  She walked across and as she approached it she saw her name written on the front in Mark's neat handwriting.  She took the envelope and ripped it open to see what Mark had to say this time.

_Susan,_

_If you're reading this note then I know that my efforts have not been in vain.  I'm also sure that you have cursed my name repeatedly as you made your way up here!_

_I've brought you here because it truly is the best view of __Chicago__.  From this spot, you can see everything.  If you look west, you can see the hospital.  Who knows, maybe someone you know is staring back at you right now – Carter, perhaps, hiding from __Benton__!_

_I love this city.  It's the only place I've ever felt settled.  I hated moving around so much when I was a kid – always changing homes, changing schools, changing friends.  The closest thing I ever had to a proper home was in __Hawaii__, we were there for three years.  One day I hope I can take you there, to show you where I grew up and share with you my memories._

_Anyway, the next stop on your journey is the Navy Pier.  You'll find my next note in the middle of the water._

_All my love,_

_Mark._

Susan smiled.  Forgiveness began to creep in but she quickly shook it off – he wasn't forgiven that easily.  She glanced around herself again, feeling self-conscious, wondering why no-one had noticed this crazy woman picking up notes from telescopes.  She made her way quickly back downstairs and was glad to have solid ground beneath her feet again.  She took out Mark's second note and read it again.  He was sending her to the Navy Pier, that bit was easy, but _'in the middle of the water'_?  Susan had no idea what he meant by this, but she trusted him enough to believe that it would become clearer once she was there.

Following Mark's instructions, Susan made her way to the Navy Pier.  It was a typical autumn day.  The sun was shining but there was a chill in the air, causing you to wrap up warm.  The pier was quiet.  Susan liked this time of year, when the holiday season was over and most of the tourists had gone home.  She walked along the water front, taking in the sights and sounds.  She could see a young mother sat by the water, cradling a young baby in her arms.  Susan smiled, remembering Little Susie.  She still missed her.  Not everyday, not like before, but there were moments when she would remember how she felt when she had Susie in her arms, rocking her to sleep, singing to her, playing with her.

Her thoughts were distracted by a group of young boys who rushed past her on bicycles and rollerblades, yelling at the tops of their voices.  She directed her mind back to Mark's letter.

_'You'll find my next note in the middle of the water.'_

Susan leant against the railings and looked out to the water, hoping to find some clue.  She saw some people swimming and noted how crazy they must be, since the water at this time of year would be freezing.  She hoped that Mark didn't expect her to swim out into the middle of the lake!  Her eyes continued to wander over the water.  She saw boats of all sizes sailing in the water.  At this time of year only one cruise boat sailed up and down the coast, but there were a number of sailing boats gliding up and down.

_'How am I supposed to know where to find his next note?'_ she wondered.

A voice came booming out from below her.

'The next boat cruise will leave in fifteen minutes.'

_'Oh well,'_ Susan thought, _'I've got nothing to lose.'_

She made her way down to the dock, paid her money and got on board the boat, making her way to the front.  She watched the water below as the boat began to move, rippling underneath and frothing under the rotations of the rotor blade.  She peered down harder, trying to spot any form of life under the water.  As the shoreline became smaller and smaller she was still clueless as to where to find Mark's next note.  Thinking that he may have left it on board, she decided to tour the boat.  She received some strange looks from the other passengers as she wandered around, searching every surface for a small white envelope.  She could feel herself starting to get irritated, desperate to find his next message.  Mark had got her well-and-truly hooked on his little game.  After doing two circuits of the boat, Susan sat down on one of the seats, completely frustrated, until a voice came over the speakers.

"If there is a Miss Lewis on board, would she please come to the captain's office.  Miss Lewis to the captain's office, thank you."

Susan frowned.  _Did they mean her?_  Figuring the day couldn't get any stranger, she got up and went to the captain's office.

"Uh, hi, I'm Susan Lewis," she introduced herself.

"Ah, Miss Lewis, we've been expecting you all morning," a young woman greeted her.  She held out her hand and, sure enough, there was a small white envelope.

"Thanks," Susan said, embarrassed.

"You're welcome.  Enjoy you're day," the young woman said, a twinkle in her eye.

Susan went back out onto the deck.  _'I'm gonna kill you, Mark Greene.'_

She sat down and opened the letter.

_Susan,_

_So, my clue wasn't too cryptic for you?!_

_I wanted to take you out on the water because I love it out here.  There's something peaceful and serene about it.  The good thing about having a father in the navy was the amount of time I got to spend at sea.  When we lived in __Hawaii__, my father would sometimes take me with him on the ship up to __Tokyo__Harbour__.  It always fascinated me to watch him at work on the ship, the passion he felt for his work was so strong and obvious.  I'm glad I've found a job that I feel passionate about, aren't you? _

_I've always wanted to sail around the world – what do you think?  Do you get seasick?  I can't think of anyone else I would rather share my aquatic adventure with than you…stuck in the middle of the ocean for months, what will we do to pass the time?_

_I should stop before I get carried away with my thoughts.  Are you hungry?  I've reserved a table for you at the café overlooking the water that I know you like – enjoy lunch on me._

_All my love,_

_Mark._

Susan knew the café he was talking about.  They had been there before and Susan remembered commenting how much she liked it.  Realising she was hungry, she checked her watch.  The boat was due back at shore in twenty minutes.  She walked back to the front of the boat, watching this time as the shoreline got closer.  She read Mark's letter again.  He barely talked about his parents or his childhood.  She knew he wasn't close to his parents; she knew he had wanted a different life for himself.  She wondered about his mother and father, how proud they must be of their son – this man who was kind and caring and thoughtful, who always put others first, who was a great doctor and a great father.  She thought about her own dysfunctional family, realising she, too, had worked so hard to have a different life for herself.  She sighed, longing for the day when she would have her own family to love and care for.  Before Little Susie, her thoughts about the future had always been about her work and her career.  Now she knew she wanted more than that.  Work wasn't enough any more.

The boat finally reached the dock and Susan made her way along the pier towards a row of restaurants and cafés overlooking the water.  She found the one that Mark was sending her to with ease.  It was quiet, like most of them.  A waiter greeted her.

"Can I help you, ma'am?" he asked politely.

"My name's Susan Lewis, I believe you have a table booked for me?" she said.

"Ah yes, we've been expecting you" the waiter nodded.  Susan was getting used to hearing that phrase.  The waiter held out his arm, directing her inside.  She followed him up the steps to a table sat by the window.

As Susan sat down, the waiter disappeared, returning a few moments later.

"Here is a menu, and this note was left for you," he said, holding out his hand.

"Thank you," Susan said, smiling gratefully.  The waiter loitered around, waiting to take her order.  She hastily ordered from the menu, eager to be left alone so that she could read Mark's letter.  When the waiter finally left, she opened the fourth envelope.

_Susan,_

_I hope you are not tiring too much, I still have plenty of surprises in store for you._

_Writing these notes to you has made me think about my life – all the things I've done, all the decisions I've made.  And you know what?  I wouldn't change a thing.  Everything I've done and every decision I've made has led me here, to you.  And I'm happier now than I have ever been.  When I thought that I had lost you in the helicopter, I felt like my world had ended.  That's how much I love you._

_I guess my only regret is Rachel.  She's 400 miles away from me.  I hate that I'm missing so much of her growing up.  I'm not there to make her breakfast, take her to school, test her spelling, read her a story at night, watch her fall asleep.  I hate it that there's another man who is being a father to my daughter.  So maybe there is one thing that I would change – but you can't change the past.  You can live in the present and hope for the future.  I hope that my present and future will be spent with you._

_But for now, your future lies in these little notes I am leaving you.  You'll find my next message in the Art Institute amongst the French Impressionists._

_All my love,_

_Mark._

Susan sat in the café blinking back tears.  She was surprised that a piece of paper could stir up so many emotions in her – happy, scared, hopeful, content.  Would she change anything in her life?  No. 

She thought about the day she found out she had been accepted into medical school.  It was the day she felt her destiny change, the day she escaped from her mother's dreams of settling down with a nine-to-five office job.  Susan loved her job.  She loved its fast pace and the way every day was different – different people with different problems.  She couldn't imagine sitting at a desk all day, typing, answering telephones, meeting after meeting.  Being a doctor was her vocation.

She thought about her life over the past few years.  It had been like riding a rollercoaster.  Just when she had thought her life was heading in one direction, something happened to send her spiralling a different way.  Like Little Susie.  The first time she had held Susie in her arms, Susan knew that life was never going to be the same again.  Susie had changed her life, even for those few months when it had just been the two of them.  As much as she loved and missed Little Susie, Susan had accepted that she belonged with Chloe, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't do it all over again if she had the chance.

And then there was Mark.  Susan had been trying to get used to being alone again when Mark had come into her life.  Not that he had been missing before, he had always been there for her whenever she needed a friend, but their friendship had turned into something more, something unexpected, to Susan at least.  Knowing that Mark loved her gave her a strength that she had never had before, like she was invincible, like she could take anything that life threw at her.  She thought about her hopes for the future.  _'I hope that my present and future will be spent with you,'_ Mark's letter had said.

_'Me too,'_ Susan thought.  She couldn't imagine her life any other way.  To Susan, her future was her family.  Not her mum, dad or Chloe, but her own family.  One that she had created; one that she shared with her soulmate; one that she loved more than anything else on the earth.  If she closed her eyes and tried to picture the future, it always contained Mark.  It scared her sometimes that life felt so perfect right now.  But she couldn't live her life worrying about the possibility of things going wrong.  Mark had said that you have to live in the present, and for the first time in a long time that's what Susan was doing.

Lost in her thoughts, Susan ate slowly.  The view from her table was incredible.  It was, no doubt, the best table in the café.  When she had finally finished, she picked up her bag and Mark's latest note and went to pay her bill.

"Oh, the bill has already been taken care of," the waiter said when she tried to pay him.

Susan rolled her eyes.  Mark really had planned her day to the last detail.  She gave the waiter a generous tip and left, following Mark's instructions and making her way to the Art Institute.  Even though she had grown up in Chicago, she had never been there, although she had always said that she would like to.  It was so typical of Mark to remember the small things.

When she arrived at the Art Institute, she paid the fee and went inside. 

_'You'll find my next message in the Art Institute amongst the French Impressionists.'_

The Art Institute was a maze of sculptures, paintings and architecture, and Susan had no idea where to find the French Impressionists.  She wandered around slowly, taking in everything around her.  She was enjoying herself, something that didn't often occur on her birthday.  She walked down corridors with walls covered in paintings, where the eyes of the painters' subjects would follow you wherever you went.  She read about the history of Chicago's architecture.  She saw the intricate details of sculptures that she had only ever seen photos of before.  She wasn't in any hurry as she ambled from room to room, certain that she would find Mark's letter.

She did.  She eventually turned a corner and felt her heart skip a beat when she saw a sign pointing towards the French Impressionists.  She followed the arrow, which took her into a large room full of beautiful paintings.  She walked around, looking at the amazing artwork and also keeping one eye searching for Mark's letter.  She finally found it pinned to the front of one of the museum curators!  He looked so silly, sat on a chair in the corner with an envelope attached to his uniform.  Susan walked up to him.

"Um, hello.  I believe that letter you're wearing is for me," she said, finding it hard to keep a straight face.

"Tell your boyfriend he owes me a huge favour for this," the man said, unpinning the letter and handing it to Susan.

"I will," she promised, before turning away to find a quiet spot where she could open the letter.

_Susan,_

_I hope you are enjoying this taste of culture.  I left this note amongst the French artists because they are my favourites.  Maybe on our sailing trip around the world we could stop in __Paris__ and visit the Louvre – Monet, Van Gogh, the Mona Lisa.  We could climb the Eiffel Tower, visit Quasimodo in Notre Dame, catch a show at the Moulin Rouge, travel up (or is it down?) the Seine._

_There is so much of the world that I want to see.  I don't want to look back at my life and realise that I neglected the important things – like you and Rachel.  Don't let work rule your life, that's my new philosophy._

_To continue on this European theme, you'll find my next note at a well-known water feature.  If you bump into the Queen of __England__, say hello from me!_

_All my love,_

_Mark._

Susan smiled.  She was starting to get the hang of this game and guessed immediately where he was sending her.  The Buckingham Fountain.  She left the Art Institute and made her way to her next destination.  Her feet were starting to ache from all the walking she had done.  If Mark wasn't careful, she was going to be asleep early tonight! 

As she walked, Susan thought about all the places she had dreamed of visiting.  When she was a girl, she had dreamed of going anywhere just to get away from her family.  She had surprised herself when she found herself settling in Chicago.  She loved this city too much – the weather, the people.  She was happy here, more so since she had met Mark.  Even when they had just been friends, he had made her life better in so many ways.  They could be silly together and they could be serious; she could talk to him about anything and knew that he would always be there for her.  He truly was her best friend, her soulmate.  She wondered again how many more notes he had left her, hoping that soon he would send her to find him.

When she got to the fountain, the clue was easy to find.  Unfortunately, getting to it was going to be difficult.  Mark had pinned it to the statue in the middle of the fountain.  Susan shook her head, wondering how she was ever going to get to it without getting soaking wet.  Knowing Mark, that was probably the plan.  But she was determined to out-smart him and looked around her to find anything that would help her.  She spotted a man cleaning the paths, holding a long device that he was using to pick up litter with.  She walked up to him.

"Excuse me?  I know this probably sounds strange, but I've been left a note in the middle of the fountain.  Can I please borrow your pole to get it?"  Susan knew she sounded crazy, but she didn't care any more.

The cleaner looked at her.  "I've been wondering who that envelope belonged to," was all he said, handing her the pole.

Susan thanked him and walked back over to the fountain, standing up on the edge.  She leaned forwards, stretching out the pole to grab hold of the envelope.  The pole was slightly too short and she leaned further.  Before she could stop herself, she felt her foot slip from underneath her and she fell forwards into the water.   Shocked, she gasped for air and swallowed a mouthful of water.  She lifted her head, spluttering, before finding her feet and standing up. 

_'So much for not getting wet,'_ she sighed to herself.  She could hear laughing and turned to see the cleaner watching her.  She shrugged at him.  Fortunately the fountain was not too deep, the water coming to her waist.  She waded towards the statue in the middle, grabbed hold of the envelope, then waded back out again.  The cleaner, still smothering laughter, reached out his hand to help her out and Susan gratefully accepted.

"Thanks for you help," she said, giving him back his pole, and watching as he carried on with his work.  Her hair and her clothes were dripping, and she grimaced at the stench of the water that covered her.  Sitting down next to the fountain, she opened the envelope.  The message was simple.

_1127 Michigan Avenue West__, __6pm__._

The address meant nothing to her.  Looking at her watch, Susan realised she had only an hour and a half to clean herself up and get to her next, and hopefully final, location.  She tried to hail down a taxi, but they all avoided her.   She didn't blame them, she knew she was a mess.  She hurried home, conscious of the strange glances she was getting.  She showered quickly and pulled open her wardrobe.  _What was she going to wear?  Should she dress up or should she be casual?_  She pondered over every outfit she had before settling for a pair of slimming black trousers and dark green top that she knew accentuated her green eyes.  She put on a minimal amount of make up and pulled her hair back in a French twist, allowing a few strands to fall around her face.  She looked in the mirror and smiled, pleased with the reflection.

Realising she was running late, Susan grabbed her car keys and flew downstairs.  When she came out of the building, she groaned.  Her car was blocked in by a lorry.  Having no patience to wait, she hailed down the next passing taxi and gave him the mysterious address that Mark had given her.  She had butterflies in her stomach at the thought of seeing Mark.  Even though it had felt like she had spent the day with him, she had missed him all day. 

The journey only took ten minutes.  She looked up at the house that Mark had sent her to.  From the outside, it looked old, although the door and the window frames were freshly painted, and the windows looked recently cleaned, sparkling in the reflection of the autumn sun.  Susan walked up the steps to the front door.  She was searching for a door bell when she noticed that the door was slightly ajar.  She pushed it gently and it fell open, the joints squeaking.

"Hello?"

There was no answer.  Susan wandered into the hallway.  The décor was old fashioned and Susan cringed.

"Hello?" she called again.  She felt strange, like she was doing something she shouldn't be.  She hesitated, unsure whether to continue further into the house.  _Where was he?_  Susan looked around her.  There was no furniture; the house appeared to be empty.

"Mark?"

Susan walked straight ahead of her into the kitchen.  Nothing.  No plates, no cups, no knives, no forks.  She turned back into the hallway and paused outside a closed door.  She contemplating knocking but realised there was no point since the house appeared to be deserted.  She turned the handle and walked in, gasping at the scene before her.  The curtains had been drawn and the room was lit with hundreds of tiny candles scattered around the room.  In the middle of the floor was a picnic blanket, fully laid, ready for dining.  A single rose stood in a slim crystal vase stood in the middle.  Giant bean bags sat facing each other across the blanket.  On the other side of room was a fireplace; above it a shelf.  On the shelf stood a solitary photo frame.  Susan walked across the room towards the fire place.  She looked closer at the photo frame and smiled at what she saw.  It was the photos of Mark and Susan, squashed in the photo booth at the fair.

"Do you like my new house?" came a voice from behind her.  Mark's voice.  Susan spun around.

"Your house?" she questioned.

Mark shrugged.  "I couldn't stay at Doug's forever.  It'll be a few weeks until I can move in properly but I signed on the dotted line this afternoon.  What do you think?"

Susan looked at him.  He was stood in the doorway, grinning proudly, and she couldn't help but smile.  She didn't speak; instead she walked back across the room, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, deep and hard.  She wanted him more than she ever had, to feel him, to smell him, to taste him.  She refused to let go. 

She wanted this moment to last forever.

Hours later, after they had sampled the local Chinese takeaway, Mark and Susan lay wrapped up in each other's arms.  Mark sat propped up by one of the bean bags and Susan lay between his legs, resting on his chest, her head nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

"So, did you have a good birthday?" Mark asked.

Susan looked up at him.  "I had the best birthday," she answered, reaching her head up to kiss him.  He tasted of chow mein.  "Thank you."

Mark smiled at her.  "It's not over yet."

Susan frowned.  "No more surprises, please," she groaned.

"You'll like this one," Mark said, shifting her body away from him and getting up.  He walked over to the door where his coat hung and reached into one of the pockets, pulling out an envelope.  He walked back over to Susan and sat down next to her, giving her the envelope.

"Where are you sending me this time?" she joked.  Mark smiled, watching her as she opened the envelope and pulled out the contents.

"A train ticket?" Susan questioned.  She read its destination.  "To Phoenix?"

"You know, you're a very hard person to shop for," Mark said.  "So I sat down and thought, _'what would you really like?'_, and then it was obvious.  I know how much you miss Little Susie and I know how much you want to see her.  So go."

Tears started to form in Susan's eyes, but she blinked them back.

"Mark, this ticket is for next Monday.  I can't just go away at such short notice.  What about work?"

"I've sorted it with Kerry.  I've booked next week off work for you," Mark answered.

Susan sighed, happily, allowing a tear to fall down her cheek.  It was the perfect present.

"And what about you?  How will you survive without me?"

"Well, that's what this is for," Mark said, pulling out a return ticket.  "This makes sure you come home."

Susan smiled.  "I'll come home," she said, softly.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Susan leant over and kissed him, before snuggling back into his arms.

She wanted this moment to last forever.


	9. Random Acts

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for the reviews you have left – saved-by-grace, Susan (welcome!), PinkSparkle02, Melissa Larkin and RedheadedERfan88 (welcome also!).**

**I think I've paid my dues now for nearly killing off Susan earlier on in the story and there is too much "aw" going on!!  So enough with the fluff, I've reverted back to my old ways.  There's more medical stuff in here, but since I'm in no way medically trained it might not be totally accurate.  Oh, and I have no idea how long it would take to fly from Phoenix to Chicago, so I made it up!!**

**If anyone is interested, I've just updated 'A Different Story' as well, please go and check it out.  And, of course, reviews are always very welcome!!  :)**

**_Random Acts_**

"So how's Chloe?" Mark asked down the phone, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"She's great.  She's still sober, she's still got her job, she's still happy.  So is Little Susie.  She thinks the word for cactus is ouch, so every time we go for a walk she points everywhere and says "ouch, ouch"!" Susan laughed.

"Sounds like you're having a good time," Mark said.

"Yeah.  It's so good to see them," Susan answered.  "Thank you."

"Would you stop thanking me already," Mark laughed. 

"I'm sorry, it's just it was the best present that you could have given me.  And you know, when I get home, I'm going to have a lot of making up to do," Susan said, seductively.

Mark smiled.  "Oh yeah?"

"Uh-huh!" Susan laughed again.   "So how's the packing going?"

"Good," Mark said, unconvincingly.

"Liar," Susan said.

"But it's so boring," Mark moaned.

"Why don't you get Doug to help you?" Susan suggested.

"He hasn't been around much.  He's keeping this new girlfriend of his very secret," Mark said.  "I haven't seen Holda around for weeks."

"Wow, what's up with him?" Susan joked.

"I think he's fallen for this one pretty hard.  He's – dare I say it – happy," Mark said.

"Good for him," Susan said, pleased.  "Are you working today?"

"Yep, at twelve," Mark said, looking at his watch.  "Damn it, which is only half an hour away.  I'd better go."

"Ok.  Have a good shift," Susan said, disappointed.  She laughed at herself for missing him so much, she had only been in Phoenix for three days.  "I'll speak to you tomorrow?"

"Definitely.  I love you," Mark said.

"I love you.  Bye," Susan said.

"Bye."

Mark's shift was not going well.  Earlier, a patient's father had yelled at him for leaving his daughter's care to Maggie Doyle, a more than competent Resident, and now he was being screamed at by the brother of a gunshot victim, who had just received the bad news that his brother had died.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Mark sympathised.

"You killed him!" Chris Law cried at Mark.

"No," Mark said.  "Blame the person who was holding the gun in his hand."

"He should have been treated sooner."

"Your brother was stable and there was another patient who needed more critical care," Mark defended.

"Yeah, a white man."

"This has nothing to do with skin colour," Mark argued.

"Yeah?  Then why is my brother dead?  Someone around here is going to pay for this!"

"We did everything we could for your brother, I promise you," Mark tried to appease him.

"Your promises don't mean nothing, man."

Chris Law came closer, putting his face in front of Mark's.

"I don't want to hear nothing else from this hospital except an apology.  Don't even think about sending us a bill, or I'm gonna have to kick some ass.  And I might just start with yours."

With that, Chris Law turned around and walked out of the hospital.  Doug came up behind Mark.

"What was all that about?" he asked.

"His brother was Kenny Law, the gunshot victim," Mark explained.  "He was just blowing off some steam."

"Yeah?  Sounded to me like he was threatening you," Doug said.

Mark shook his head.  "I screwed up.  The gun shooting was drug-related, but it turned out Kenny was an innocent bystander.   I jumped to the wrong conclusions and asked for Kenny to be searched for drugs and weapons."

"He was pretty angry, Mark," Doug contended.  "Maybe you should report him to security, just in case."

"I don't think he'll be back," Mark said.  He sighed.  "Do you ever have one of those days where you think everyone is out to get you?"

"All the time, especially if Kerry's working," Doug laughed.

"So, are you going to tell me where you were last night?" Mark asked.  He was growing more and more curious about Doug's mysterious woman.

"Mark, we've got a young woman in anaphylactic shock pulling in," Lydia said, coming up to them and handing Mark a pair of surgical gloves.

Doug was glad of the interruption and started to walk away down the corridor.

"I'll get it out of you eventually!" Mark called after him.

Doug was wandering the halls of the hospital when he spotted Carol with a young doctor he didn't recognise. 

_'Pretty,'_ he thought, before berating himself.  He walked over to them.

"Hey Carol," he said.  He smiled at the stranger.

Carol gave him a funny stare.  "Doug, this is Anna Del Amico, she's here doing an emergency paediatrics rotation.  Anna, this is Doug Ross, our paediatrician.  He'll be your paediatrics supervisor."

"Hi, nice to meet you," Anna said politely.

"You too.  Have you seen Mark?" Doug asked Carol.

Carol shook her head.  "No, we were just looking for him too.  He'll be Anna's emergency medicine supervisor."

"Ah, what a team," Doug laughed.  "Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to visit the little men's room."

He winked at Carol and left.  Carol and Anna continued down the hall, until they heard a shout from Doug.

"What the…!  Carol!  Get here now!"

Carol turned and saw Doug on the floor, with a blood-soaked patient.  She grabbed a gurney and, followed by Anna, rushed over to Doug.  She gasped when she reached him.

"Oh my God!  Mark?"

Mark was lying unconscious on the floor in front of Doug.

"We need to stabilise his neck.  Let's get a c-collar," Doug ordered, holding Mark's head carefully.  "Anna, would check his vitals?"

"Good breath sounds, good pulse," she answered.  Carol came back with a neck collar and a back board.  She was followed by Lydia and Malik, who were both shocked when they saw Mark.

"Malik, will you help me move him?" Doug said.  Together, they rolled Mark onto the back board and lifted him onto the gurney.  They rushed him into the trauma room.

"Let's get him on a monitor.  We need a cross table c-spine, chest, CBC, type and hold, and let's dip a urine," Doug's voice was strained as he worked on his friend.

"Pulse 120.  BP 100 over 60," Carol read out his vitals.

"Let's put him on a mask," Doug ordered.

"Pupils are round and sluggish, but reactive to light," Anna said.  "He's got several cuts on his head, they're going to need stitches."

Doug was checking Mark's belly.  "Guarding and tenderness, let's add an abdominal CT," he said.

"Radiology is on the way," Lydia said.

"We should call the police," Anna said.

Carol leaned in to Doug.  "We should call Susan."

Nearly six hours later, a taxi pulled up outside the hospital, amongst the sea of ambulances.  Susan got out and threw a handful of notes to the taxi driver.

"Keep the change," she said, rushing into the ER.  She spotted Doug, dealing with a new arrival.

"Doug, where is he?" was her first question.  "Is he ok?"

Doug pointed up the corridor.  "Room 2.  He's alright.  Battered and bruised, but no serious damage."

"What's going on?" Susan questioned, gesturing towards the mass of patients that filled the ER.

"Fire at a school play.  Go, before Kerry sees you," Doug said. 

Susan nodded and smiled gratefully, following Doug's directions up the corridor.  When she got to Mark's room she peered through the glass in the door.  She could see him lying on the bed, still; sleeping, she guessed.  Even from outside, she could see the purple bruises that covered his face and arms.  His left hand was plastered.  She crept in quietly, not wanting to disturb him.  She approached the bed and leant down, kissing his forehead.  Pulling up a chair, she sat down next to him and took his non-plastered hand in his, running her fingers over his bruised cheeks.  Her eyes pricked with tears and she wiped them away.  No; she had to be strong.

_How did this happen?  Why Mark?  Who would want to do this to him?_

A thousand questions buzzed in her head as she sat staring at his battered body lying peacefully in front of her.  She got up and walked to the end of the bed, picking up his chart.  His test results looked good.  He was lucky – no pneumothorax, the x-rays were clear, no serious head trauma.  Just a good beating.

Behind her, the door opened.

"Excuse me, can I help you?" a young doctor asked Susan.

Susan didn't here her, as she examined the chart in detail.

"You shouldn't be looking at that," the doctor walked across the room towards Susan.  "Are you a relative?"

Susan finally noticed that she was being spoken to and she looked up at the young woman in front of her, a vacant look in her eyes.  She didn't reply to the question.

"It's ok, Anna," came Carol's voice, as she walked into the room.  "I'll deal with this, Carter needs some help in trauma one."

Anna nodded, accepting Carol's instructions, and left the room.

"Carol, what happened?  Who did this?" Susan asked.

"We don't know.  Doug found him beaten up in the men's toilets.  The police are looking into it, but so far they've got no idea who would want to do this," Carol answered gently.

"Look at him," Susan said, tears brimming in her eyes again.  "I just don't understand."

Carol put her arm around Susan's shoulders.  "It could have been a lot worse."

Susan nodded, wiping the tears from her face.

"Look, I've got to get back to work, we're getting slammed out there," Carol said.  "Are you going to be alright here?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Susan resolved.

Carol left and Susan sat back down next to Mark's bed.  She didn't know how long she sat there, watching him rest, until her back began to ache.  She stood up and stretched.  Lydia came into the room to check on Mark's vitals.  She smiled kindly at Susan.

"How's it going out there?" Susan asked.

"We've got it under control, finally," Lydia said.  "What about in here?"

"He hasn't stirred," Susan answered.  "Lydia, would you stay with him while I go get a cup of coffee?  I could do with stretching my legs."

"Sure," Lydia agreed.

"Thanks."

Susan placed a kiss on Mark's forehead and left, walking up to the admit desk.  Doug was sending his last patient up to surgery when he spotted Susan.

"How's he doing?" he asked.

Susan shrugged.

"You look exhausted.  Why don't you go home, have a shower and get some rest.  I'll stay here until you get back," Doug offered.

"Thanks, but I want to be there when he wakes up.  Besides, I imagine you need more rest than me, you've just worked a full shift," Susan said.

"Make that two shifts," Carol interjected when they were at the admit desk.

"You worked a double?" Susan said.

"Yeah, we got a little busy down here," Doug said.

"Dr Ross, can you look at my patient?  He's a six year old with a dog bite," the young doctor from earlier asked.

"Sure.  Anna, this is Susan Lewis.  Susan, this is Anna, our newest recruit," Doug introduced them.

"It's ok, we've met," Anna said, offering her hand to Susan.  Susan shook it.  "I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't know who you were."

Susan shook her head.  "No problem."

A shout from Lydia interrupted them.

"Susan!  Susan, he's coming around!"

Susan, Doug and Carol raced down the corridor and into Mark's room.  Susan rushed to one side of the bed, with Doug and Carol on the other side.  Mark slowly opened his eyes.

"Hey," Susan said.  She smiled at him.  "How are you feeling?"

"Sore," Mark answered, a little groggily.  "What happened?"

"You got beat up," Doug answered.  "But you're ok.  A little concussed, some bruised ribs and a mid-shaft fracture of two metacarpels.  I signed you up for a double shift on Saturday."

Mark smiled at his joke, before turning back to Susan.

"What are you doing here?  You're supposed to be in Phoenix?"

"Well, that's nice.  I flew back here especially to see you; you could at least be pleased to see me," Susan laughed.

"You flew?" Mark asked.

"Yeah. The things I do for you, eh?" Susan said softly, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

Mark closed his eyes and sighed, clearly still exhausted.

"We should let you get some rest," Carol said, gesturing to Doug to leave.

"We'll see you later, Mark," Doug said, resting his hand reassuringly on Mark's shoulder.

Mark nodded.  He turned to Susan.

"Are you staying?" he asked.

Susan nodded.  "I'm not going anywhere."

Doug and Carol left, leaving Mark and Susan alone.

"I'm sorry for ruining your holiday," Mark said.

"Don't be.  I want to be here.  And Chloe's fine, she doesn't need me," Susan said, a hint of regret in her voice.

"I need you," Mark said, blinking back tears.

"I know," Susan said.  She kissed his lips lightly.  "I know."

She watched as Mark drifted back to sleep.  She didn't leave his bedside again, curled up in a chair, her head dropping from time to time as her exhausted body tried to sleep.  Around midnight, Kerry came in and tried to persuade Susan to leave.

"Susan, he's going to be asleep until the morning.  There's no point in you wearing yourself out, Mark needs to you to be strong," Kerry reasoned with her.  "Go home, get some rest, pick up some things for Mark and come back in the morning.  I'll keep my eye on him."

Susan knew that Kerry was talking sense, but a part of her didn't want to leave Mark alone.

"You'll call me, if he wakes, or if anything changes?" Susan asked.

"Yes, of course," Kerry said gently, steering Susan out of the room.

Susan nodded.  "Thanks Kerry," she said, gratefully.

Exhausted, Susan went home and collapsed into bed.  She fell asleep the second her head hit the pillow and didn't wake until the telephone rang the next morning.

"Hello?  Kerry?" Susan panicked.

"Suse, it's me, Chloe.  Are you ok?  How's Mark?" came Chloe's voice.  Susan sighed.

"He's ok.  He was badly beaten but there's no serious damage.  A broken hand and some bruised ribs," Susan said.  She looked at the clock.  It read 8.44am.  "Damn it, Chloe, I need to get back to the hospital."

"Oh, ok.  Call me later, ok?" Chloe said.  "And pass on our best wishes to Mark."

"I will.  Thanks, Chloe.  Bye."

Susan jumped into the shower to freshen herself up.  She hadn't meant to sleep so late and was desperate to get back to the hospital.  Once she was dressed, she stopped off at Mark and Doug's apartment to pick up some things for Mark.  There was no answer when she knocked on the door, so she let herself in with a spare key that Mark had given her.  She rushed around the apartment, collecting some of Mark's belongings.  As she stood by the telephone, leaving a note for Doug, she heard voices as Doug emerged from his bedroom, his arms wrapped round the woman following him.  It was Carol.  They stopped when they saw Susan, whose mouth had fallen open.

"Uh, Susan, what are you doing here?" Doug asked.

Susan bit her lip to stop herself from laughing out loud.

"I came to pick up some things for Mark," she replied, looking back and forth from Doug and Carol.

"How is Mark?" Carol asked.

"Still sleeping it off.  I should get back to the hospital," Susan said, making her way to the door.

"Uh, Susan," Doug stopped her. 

"Yeah, I know," Susan interjected.  "Absolute secrecy, I swear." 

"Thanks," Doug smiled.

Susan made her way as quickly as possible to the hospital, feeling guilty that she had left Mark alone for so long.  Kerry was stood at the admit desk when Susan arrived.

"Kerry, any change?" Susan asked immediately.

"No, he's still sleeping," Kerry said.  "We'll check his concussion when he wakes, and if it all looks good he can probably go home tomorrow."

"Great, thanks Kerry," Susan said.  She made her way to Mark's room and sat down beside his bed.  

Mark stirred.

"Hi," Susan said softly.

"Hi," Mark said.

"Feeling any better?" Susan asked, taking his good hand.

"No," Mark said, as light-hearted as he could.

Susan frowned.  "Do you want more pain meds?"

"No, I'm ok."

"Mark, if it hurts…" Susan started to argue.

"I'm alright," Mark stressed.

"Ok.  Ok," Susan pacified him.  "Kerry says you might be able to come home tomorrow."

"Good.  I've heard the hospital food is awful," Mark joked.

"And they do say that doctors make the worst patients," Susan laughed, glad that he could still be cheerful.  "Hey, I went to your apartment earlier to get some things for you and you'll never guess what I saw.  Do you want to know who Doug's new girlfriend is?"

"Who?"

"None other than our Nurse Manager," Susan answered, laughing.

"Carol?  Really?" Mark said.

"Yep.  See, I told you all they needed was time," Susan said.

"You're a very wise woman," Mark said.  His mood changed suddenly and tears sprang up in his eyes.  "Tell me why this happened."

Susan shook her head.  "I can't.  I don't know why," Susan answered, trying to hold back her own tears.

Mark began to cry and Susan leant into him, wrapping her arm across his chest.

"It's ok, Mark, it's ok," she whispered into his ear.  "It's ok."

"No, it's not," Mark cried.  "This isn't supposed to happen here.  It's not supposed to happen to us."

Susan held him while he cried, feeling helpless.  They dealt with the repercussions of this kind of violence every day at work, but this was different.  Susan remembered telling Mark once that bad things happen all the time, and that you couldn't stop them from happening to you.  She had been right.  It was in their own lives now and there was no escaping it. 


	10. Repercussions

**So 2 years and 5 months later…sorry for the delay! A belated thank you to those who left reviews. To anyone who may read this, I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

**Un-beta'd, so all mistakes are mine.**

* * *

_**Repercussions**_

"Welcome home buddy," Doug greeted Mark at the door of their apartment.

"Thanks. It's good to be home," Mark answered, rather subdued. Susan guided him into the apartment and helped him to sit on the sofa. His ribs were still sore and it hurt him to move.

"Do you want anything? Something to eat or drink?" Susan fussed around him.

"No, I'm not hungry," Mark said.

Susan sat on the sofa next to Mark and took his hand in hers, running her thumb over the palm of his hand, comfortingly. He took it away from her and began to play with the buttons on his shirt. Doug came over and sat on the coffee table opposite them.

"So, how are you feeling?" Doug asked.

Mark shrugged his shoulders. "Ok."

Susan studied him. She had watched his attitude change since the attack. He was quiet and distant, and pulled away at her touch. For the first time she could remember, Susan felt like she was struggling to make conversation with him. She looked across at Doug, who raised his eyebrows. Apparently the change had not gone unnoticed with him either.

"You know, this time off Kerry's making you have would be very well spent packing your stuff to move into the new house," Susan said, trying to be light-hearted. "Since you've been so bad at it so far!"

"Yeah, I'm not sure about the house any more," Mark said, the tone of his voice flat. "I'm thinking about letting the lease go."

Susan frowned and Doug looked surprised.

"What? But I thought you loved that house?" Susan asked.

Mark shrugged his shoulders again.

"Mark?" Doug questioned him.

"It's no big deal, ok? It's only a house," Mark said.

Susan sighed. "It's your decision."

"Hey, I get a roommate for a bit longer," Doug said, trying to be cheerful.

Mark was silent, still distracted by the buttons on his shirt.

"Well, I've got to get to work, I've got a half-shift to do," Susan said, getting up from the sofa. She looked at Mark, expecting him to follow like he always did when she was leaving. But he didn't. He sat and looked up at her.

"Ok."

He sounded like he didn't care and it hurt.

"I'll come by tonight after my shift, ok?" Susan said, putting her jacket on and picking up her bag.

"I don't know, I'm still kind of tired. I'll probably just be asleep," Mark said, avoiding looking her in the eye.

"Oh. Well, tomorrow then," Susan said.

"Sure."

Susan leant down and kissed his cheek. She nodded a goodbye to Doug and left, holding back the tears until she was outside the apartment, where she let them flow freely. She felt useless. What could she do to make things better? What could she do to get things back to the way they were? She remembered the night of her birthday; she had been lying in Mark's arms in his new house, exhausted after her tour of the city, and thinking how perfect life was at that moment.

A week later and everything had been turned upside down.

* * *

Back inside, Doug sat watching Mark. He was starting to get irritated by Mark's obsession with the buttons on his shirt. 

"What?" Mark noticed Doug staring at him.

"What are you doing?" Doug asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean _you_. Your attitude. I mean the way you just treated Susan," Doug said.

"I'm just tired, I didn't want her fussing around me," Mark answered.

"By pushing her away?" Doug asked. "She's trying to help you and you're acting…"

"What? I'm acting like what?" Mark was starting to get angry. "In case you'd forgotten, I was beaten up."

"I know that," Doug said. "But you're acting like a jerk."

Mark let out an exasperated sigh. "I just…" he couldn't finish the sentence. His mind was a whirlwind and he just wanted to forget everything that was going on.

"Look, I know you're going through some stuff right now that I can't understand," Doug said. "And I'm not going to pretend that I know what you're feeling. Whatever it is that's going on in your head, you've got to work through yourself. But let me give you some advice. Susan is the best thing that has ever happened to you, and if you keep acting like this you're going to lose her. Because she won't hang around while you treat her like dirt."

Mark sat quietly as he took in what Doug was saying to him.

"I told her once that I wanted to protect her from all the bad things," Mark said eventually. "But how am I supposed to do that when I can't even stop the bad things from happening to me?"

"She doesn't want you to be a hero, Mark," Doug said. "She didn't fall in love with a knight on a white horse, she fell in love with you. Mark Greene, the good doctor."

Mark nodded, a sign that he was listening to Doug's words. "Since when were you the relationship know-it-all?"

Doug shrugged his shoulders and blushed.

"So, you and Carol, huh?" Mark was straight-forward with his question.

"Susan?"

"Yep."

Doug got up from the table. "Speaking of Carol, I'm meeting her in twenty minutes, I've got to go. You'll think about what I've said?"

Mark nodded as Doug left him alone to think. He was stuck in this place that he desperately wanted to get away from, but he didn't know how. He felt scared all the time – scared to be outside, scared to be inside; scared to be at the hospital, scared to be home alone. The thought of moving into that new house – that big, empty house – scared him. He needed something that would take away the fear; something that would make him feel safe.

There was only one thing that Mark could think of. But it was a crazy idea…wasn't it?

* * *

Susan was stood in the drug lock up, staring at the rows of pills in front of her. She was looking, but she didn't really see them; she was too lost in her thoughts about Mark. A week had passed since he had been allowed home and she had seen him only twice. Each time was the same – he would make small talk for a while, before complaining he was tired and disappearing into his bedroom to sleep. Susan knew that he was struggling, she knew that she needed to give him time, but his coldness hurt her. Most of all, she hated that she didn't know what to do to make things better. 

She thought about all the patients she had helped as part of her job. She saw it so often – the vulnerable ones coming through the ER, even more scared and broken than before. She always had words of comfort to console them before sending them off to someone else. _Treat 'em and street 'em _was the philosophy of the ER. But when it was one of their own – when it was _Mark_ – then she had to be able to do something more.

"Hey."

A voice behind her made Susan jump. She turned to see Mark leaning against the doorway.

"Hey. What are you doing here? You should be resting," Susan said.

"I was feeling better," Mark said. There was an awkward pause as Mark shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such an idiot this week, about the way I've acted. I've been out of line."

"It's ok," Susan accepted his apology.

"No, it's not. It's not ok, because you don't deserve it," Mark said. "So let me make it up to you. How about I pick you up after your shift, and we go grab a bite to eat or go see a movie?"

Susan smiled. "A date? I'd really like that."

"Good," Mark said with a smiling. "I'd better go, I've got an appointment upstairs."

"An appointment?" Susan questioned.

"To see a counsellor. I thought it might help," Mark answered. "I'll see you tonight."

Susan nodded and watched him go, a wave of relief washing over her. She was please to see him trying. She hoped that the counselling session would help him. Most of all, she hoped that the counselling session would encourage him to talk to her. She wanted to be a part of this, to know what he was thinking and feeling and to help him through it, just as he had been there for her in the past.

* * *

Mark kept to his word and at met Susan after her shift at 8.00pm. They enjoyed dinner overlooking the water before a late showing at the local cinema. Susan could feel the tension in Mark as they walked along the streets and as they rode the El train and noticed his twitchiness at the sounds and movements around him, as if he sensed danger in everything around him. 

At these times, the conversation would lull. Mark would be oblivious to Susan's hand tightening around his, his attention drawn to every-_one _and every-_thing_ around him, wondering if someone else wanted to have a go at him. He relaxed over dinner and during the film, feeling safer in those surroundings.

As they rode the El train home, Mark's attention was drawn to a group of young boys at the back of the carriage. They were aged between fifteen and eighteen, dressed in hooded sweatshirts and baseball caps and acting raucously as they teased the gentlemen near them. Mark's eyes were concentrating on a small fleck of dirt on his trousers, occasionally flickering up to keep an eye on what the boys were doing. They made him feel nervous and he could feel his heart start to beat harder in his chest.

As he looked up again, he caught the eye of one. He looked away quickly, but it was too late.

"Hey guys, look at the bald guy and his little girlfriend," the young boy jeered. He swung on the bars above him, walking towards Mark and Susan. Mark tried to turn away, shielding Susan from the thug. The train pulled up at a station and Mark pulled at Susan's hand, urging her to get off.

"Mark, this isn't our stop," Susan whispered, finding herself scared.

"Just walk," Mark ordered.

They rushed off the train, huddled together. The platform was empty. Susan felt Mark searching for something in his coat pocket, wondering if he was going to hand over his wallet to pre-empt any threats. She could feel the crowd of boys following them out of the El train and she tightened her grasp of Mark's arm.

"Hey man, you're not scared are you?" one of the boys yelled after them.

"Can you spare us some change, sir?" another mocked, running up behind them and grabbing Mark's arm.

Mark spun around, his arm waving in front of him. Susan stood in disbelief as Mark held a gun towards the group of young boys.

"Go away!" Mark screamed at them, his voice filled with terror. "Leave us alone!"

"Wow man, are you crazy?"

"Hey man, come on!"

"Mark, what are you doing?" Susan gasped.

Mark stood defiantly, his hand shaking as he kept the gun pointed at the youths. He saw them backing away, climbing back on board the El train and watched as it disappeared down the track.

Mark was frozen for a moment, before letting the gun fall limp in his hands. He looked across at Susan whose face was a mixture of fear, panic and shock, and the consequences of his actions suddenly hit home. _What was he doing?_ He fell to the floor, landing on his knees. The tears started to fall down his face, letting out all the anger and fear that he had been bottling up since the attack.

Susan watched him. Her first instinct was to run over to him and wrap her arms around him, but after what she had just witnessed, she paused. She approached him slowly and knelt down next to him, pulling him into her chest. She closed her eyes, listening to him cry. She rocked him slowly, waiting for him to stop; and when he did, she stood up and reached out her hand. He took it and she pulled him up to standing. Keeping his hand in hers, they walked out of the El station and made their way to Mark's apartment in silence. Mark opened the door and Susan followed him cautiously. She didn't sit down; neither did he. They stood in the middle of the apartment, Susan staring hard at Mark, while he looked at anything except her.

"I don't understand, Mark. I don't understand why you would go out and buy a gun," Susan said, angrily. "What were you thinking?"

Mark shifted his stare towards the floor.

"Were you trying to prove something?"

Still silence.

"What if Rachel had been with you?" she asked. That got Mark's attention; he looked up at her. "What if one of those guys had had a gun and they'd retaliated? It's not enough that you get the crap beaten out of you, you have to try and get yourself killed as well?"

Tears started to fall down Susan's face, a mixture of anger and fear.

"I'm sorry," Mark said.

"Sorry for what?" Susan questioned, desperate for him to start talking, to open up to her.

Mark opened his mouth to answer and hesitated, because he didn't have an answer. "I don't know."

Susan softened. "You scared me tonight," she said. "And I never thought that you would be able to do that."

"I would never hurt you," Mark said, quickly in response.

"I know that," Susan said. "But I didn't know if you would hurt those boys. And it scared me to think that you might have it in you to pull that trigger."

"It scared me too," Mark said, a tear falling down his cheek.

"Then why? Why did you do it?"

"Because I couldn't stop it, Susan. I tried to fight, but he was too strong. And if I can't stop it happening to me, how am I going to stop it happening to you, or Rachel? I'm so scared of what's out there, and I'm scared of what's inside me. I thought if I carried a gun, I could protect myself. But I was still scared. It didn't go away

Mark sat on the edge of the sofa. "Because I am so frightened of it happening again. I don't want to feel like this, and I thought if I carried a gun, I wouldn't be so afraid any more. But it didn't work, because I'm still scared, Susan, I'm still scared. I'm scared of being outside, I'm scared of being in the hospital, I'm scared of being in the damn house on my own. I don't want to feel so afraid any more."

Susan stared at the broken man in front of her and she felt her own eyes fill with tears. Her heart broke for him. She moved to his side, wrapping her arms tightly around him.

"It's ok, Mark. It's gonna be ok. I promise you, it's gonna be ok."

Mark slid his arms around her waist, his head buried deep against her chest and his tears soaking into her coat. He listened to her words, allowing himself to believe them for a moment, letting her make promises that they both feared could not be kept.


End file.
